It was like being underwater.

I knew people were trying to talk to me but the sounds were muffled, echo like. The words were just sounds that were not quite reaching my ears as if they were talking to me from outside the water I was submerged in.

Figures were blurry, and I could feel my eyes sting with the strain and effort required to keep them open. I always hated swimming without goggles, the blurred vision was so disorientating.

I closed my eyes, finally feeling more peaceful in the calm darkness that settled around me. The noises became louder, more distressed, crashing around me, disturbing my new found peace, rattling my world, like the wind of a tornado lashing out at an old wooden window.

But soon the tornado was gone, replaced by the silence that wrapped around me securely, keeping me afloat, leaving me with what was left of my thoughts.

It was a strange world.

That was what I thought as a child.

How was it people lived knowing they would die? Knowing that in the end there was an end. But unlike in a story book were you could physically see how many pages were left and anticipate when the ending would come, with life you didn't. How was everyone else so brave?

Was I the only one who was afraid......

I remembered the look on my mums face as she died. How was it that I had ever forgotten?

It was a strange peace, this sense of calm.

Calm......I let the emotion flow through me

Calm....I let go of the things weighing me down

Calm.....Perhaps this was retribution

I thought of the unknown and held on to the belief that I might see my mum again.

The thought was soothing as I let myself float