Merry Christmas

5 months later

“Hyungs, hyungs! Have you seen this!” HyunShik came bursting through the door to the studio. “We just won a kTV award, our fans have really supported us!”

“Are you serious?! This is like the best present we could get for Christmas.” MinSo jumped from the sofa.

YunHwa soon followed and clapped him on the back. “This really is amazing, I mean really amazing. We have to thank our Icons, maybe we can do a fan meet.”

“Yeah I think a fan meet would be good, we need to keep our relationship with our fans secure...” YungJi didn't miss YunHwa nudging JaeMan before he could finish.

“It's fine he can say it. The accident did mess things up within our fan group, I’m not stupid. I read the articles, but I wasn't prepared to continue to lie about our relationship to people. I’m sorry that we lost some fans because they didn't want me to be in a relationship, but I'd rather have true fans left that can except it.”

“We know hyung don't worry, you don't need to explain yourself. After all we're not kids we're growing up it was bound to happen to one of us.” MinSo said honestly.

“Yeah man, I wasn't trying to take a dig at you.” JaeMan said unconsciously running his hands through his hair. “How's Sora doing anyway?”

“Okay, no change really, but she's stable.”

The guys all sat in a solemn silence. It had been 5 months now and still she hadn't woken up. They all wondered how YungJi would continue to cope, especially if things took a turn for the worst.

*

“Obaa-san ojii-san, please go get some rest, I’ll stay by Sora's side tonight. My mother sent over dinner, I’ve left it in the dinning room.”

Sora's grandmother stood up and walked up to her eldest grandchild. “Mio-chan, that is very kind of you, please pass on our thanks to my daughter.” She smiled at her wearily, unable to hide her fatigue.

“Of course obaa-san, ojii-san please go to.”

Sora's grandfather remained seated. “I'm fine.”

“Ojii—” He raised his hand up to silence her.

Ayumi Takata smiled at her husbands unchanging stubbornness, he did not show emotion openly, but he truly loved his grandchildren, but he held many regrets when it came to Sora. She walked over and placed a loving hand on his shoulders.“Yebeo, please, let's not worry our grandchild. Mio is perfectly capable of looking after her cousin while we eat and rest a bit.”

Yashiro Takata looked up in to the kind eyes of his wife. No matter how many years passed, she was still as beautiful and as wise as the day they had first met. He stood up and reluctantly let go of the hand of his sleeping granddaughter.

“Ahh I’m getting old.” He said jokingly as he stretched his back. “Not in my eyes.” Ayumi placed a kiss on his cheeks and led him out the room, giving Mio a small nod as they passed her.

Mio felt relieved to see her grandparents finally resting, they stayed by Sora's side almost constantly whenever Shiro was forced away on business.

She smiled wistfully down at Sora's still face, everyday she thanked god for the gentle rise and fall of her chest, and beeping of the machines, reminding her that she was simply in a state of sleep and was not already dead.

She let out a long sigh. “I hope you wake up soon idiot, don't you know how selfish your being, huh?! It's Christmas for Christ's sake. And that's coming from me, remember, the queen of selfishness. If it wasn't for you I’d still be the same spoilt bitch as I was back then. You really were the only person who could see past that though. I was really lonely...... This family isn't the easiest to be part of, your mother had to deal with that the hard way and so have you. Money isn't everything, but it defines a lot about a person, and even more about the people who surround you. I never really did thank you for being there for me. Being your manager really set me free, gave me the independence from this family that I really craved, even if my mother wasn't exactly behind me not taking up the family business, at least she can see how successful we've become on our own. So thank you baka and wake up soon. We all miss you so much.”

She got her mobile from her handbag, “Better give Teru and Nao a quick call to let them know how she's doing.”

*

Shiro threw his coat to one side and placed his bag beside the coffee table. He was exhausted, the meeting in Shanghai had taken longer then expected, and although it resulted in good things for the company's growth in China, it had meant he had been away for a week now.

He made his way down the corridor, his bare feet savouring the smoothness of the dark wood floorboards. It was nice to be back at the family home. A breath of tradition in the heart of modern Japan. As a kid he could remember days spent practising traditions on the tatimi mats of the guest rooms. He had many good memories here, and of course some bad.

He opened the door to the room where Sora was being kept. They had made the decision to move her out of the hospital and back home three months ago, in the hope that her being home would help. So far he just thanked whatever god was out there, that she remained stable. He smiled at the site of Mio sleeping. “My little niece thank you so much for looking out for her.” He whispered as he went to get a spare blanket from the cabinet, placing it over her shoulders to keep her warm.

He pulled up another chair on the other side of the bed, and tried to make himself as comfortable as possible. He tucked his daughter in and moved a strand of her hair out of her face. “Hello baby, I’m back just where I should be right by your side. Are you still dreaming sweetheart?”

“I brought you back a little something from Shanghai, an early Christmas present I suppose, I know how much you love it when you get a souvenir from my travels. After all you still have that old jersey I brought you from New York when you were just a little kid. This time I brought you back this” He reached into his pocket, “It's a small diamond crane. I have a thousand of them, just for you, but this one is special, see if you hold it up to the light you can see, just there, a hint of purple. And I know what you'd say, but you know how bad I am at arts and crafts it would have taken a lifetime and more for me, of all people, to fold them, and yes. Spending money on you is worth it.” He placed it on the table beside her.

“Sora, I just want you to wake up. Just wake up for your old man. It feels like I’m not living any more, in a world without Alicia and you, all I do is exist. I need you baby, so much. I just want you safe and back with me.” He held her hand tightly in his, almost in a position of prayer. The silence that settle in the room killed him.

The word that broke that silence came out as barely a whisper but it was enough.

“Dad.”

Shiro looked at his daughter in disbelief.

“Otou-san.” He felt her squeeze his hand lightly, snapping him out of his state of shock.

“I'm here sweetheart.” He stood up, letting his chair fall to floor, the noise waking up Mio.

“What's going......Sora?” Mio started crying out of a mixture of shock and relief. “Sora....”

“Dad, Mio.” Her voice sound hoarse and crackly from months of no use.

“Mio go get her some water, and call the doctor.”

“Of course! I’ll go wake up grandma and grandpa to! And call the girls!” She ran out the room, as quickly as she could.

A look of fear flashed across Sora's face as she tried to sit upright. “Dad I—”

“It's okay baby, everything's going to be okay. We're getting the doctor now.”

She tried to sit up out of frustration, moving the oxygen mask from her face, trying to get the words out as she felt herself slipping back into her state of sleep. “I can't feel my legs.”

***

“Look I can't do this, do you hear me?! I’ve moved on from that part of my life, I’m happy now. I just can't deal with this right now............I wasn't even eight when you walked out on us. And now you want me to call you dad? I have no father.”

Alicia tried to keep her voice low as she watched her daughter play on the swings.

“Listen Alicia, I know I wasn't there for you when you needed me—”

“When I needed you!” She closed her eyes forcing herself not to cry in public, not to let old emotions resurface. “I needed you that night Jason was killed, that day Mum passed away. When my dream of being a dancer faded away! Those were the times I needed you!” She grabbed her bag from the park bench, thanking god that it was a Sunday and the park was practically empty apart from the occasional early morning pensioner walking their dog.

This was meant to be a day for her and Sora to spend some quality time together. She had planned the whole thing out, playing in the park, going to a pottery painting session, the cinema and her favourite jerk chicken pizza and dessert.

“I'm sorry baby-girl.......”

She ignored the man who called himself her father and ushered Sora over, “Come on sweetheart, put your scarf back on, we're going. That's it, hold my hand.”

“Alicia....” Her father silently pleaded down the phone.

“What?” She snapped back. Sora gazed up at her mums angry expression worried.

“...I heard you got married, you've got a kid now......”

“And?”

“Look this isn't easy for me to ask, but, I need a loan.” Alicia stopped suddenly in her tracks, was this man serious?

Sora stood beside her following her mothers every word. “Mum?”

Alicia moved the mobile away from her ear, “I'm sorry sweetheart, mummy's just going to be a bit longer on the phone, why don't you play with those...what was it again. That prize you won at school for good behaviour last week?” She mentally kicked herself for not remembering, but she just had so much to deal with this last week.

“...the marbles Miss Kaye gave me?”

“Yes those.” She smiled down at her.

“Okay.”

“Don’t wonder!”

“I know mum~” She smiled, how was it she already sounded like a teenager, was she really growing up that fast.

She put the mobile back against her ear. “Alicia!....... Alicia!........ Alicia?......”

“.....You know what maybe if this conversation had gone a bit differently I would have considered lending you the money.” She turned to let herself briefly admire the display of the shop window they had stopped by. How many times had she walked past the beautiful jewellery on display always debating on whether to buy that one necklace..... “Maybe if you had shown some actual genuine interest in my life....” She sighed, “even if it wasn't for me, it could have been about your granddaughter for Christ's sake.”

She glanced over her shoulder to check Sora. “Like her name, which is Sora by the way. What she looks like....”

Sora sat kneeling on the floor, not too far from her mother. She took her marbles out and stared at them wondering what she could play on her own and without the marble board....

“I—”

“I thought I needed you, when I was a kid...but now I realise all I need are people who really love me. And I have that now, my husband loves me and my daughter loves me. —Shiro, he's given up so much for my happiness. I wonder why you couldn't do the same for mum? Were drugs and alcohol that much more important then us?”

Sora listened in concern as her mother raised her voice to the person down the phone and wondered who was upsetting her so much. She wanted to get up from were she sat, but remembered her mothers clear instructions and stayed obediently where she was and continued on with the game she had established. She held a marble in each hand and let them roll, imagining they had minds of they're own and were racing one another. Just until she thought they would roll too far from her she would quickly reach out and grab them. Being the inquisitive child she was, each time she would let them go that bit further, challenging herself on how fast she really was.

“No......they weren't. It just took me too long to realise.”

“Dad I love you, but you can't be in my life right now, not in the state you're in. You need to sort yourself out, I have to think about my family first now.”

“Ah!” Sora watched as one of the two marbles just slipped past her outstretched fingers. She watched as it rolled away and started to get up to follow it, but hesitated as she turned to face the profile of her mother. She debated as to whether or not she should say something to her, but decided on the latter, noting the worn expression on her face and exasperated note of her voice. She glanced in the direction of the rolling marble, it wasn't that far away, she would be able to get it and come back in no time.

“Alicia....I loved your brother and mother very much. I still love them and you. I’m sorry...........for everything”

She paused as his words sunk in. “I believe you dad I really do. So for both our sakes get some help. Until then I stick by what I said, you just can't be part of me or my family's life right now.”

“Baby—”

“Bye dad, please don't call me again until you can be a real father and grandfather.” She hung up the phone, unsure of what emotions she was really feeling at that moment. Was she doing the right thing? She sighed, only time would really tell. She just hoped that things would all work out in the end. She turned with a smile fixed on her face towards where Sora should have been sitting.

“Sora? Sora?!” Alicia turned around in confusion frantically searching for her daughter. Only to see her focused on the rolling object in front of her, casually following it out on to the road.

“Sora no! Watch out!—” Alicia's eyes widened in horror at what was about to happen if she didn't do something, the car was turning the corner too fast and the driver seemed preoccupied with his phone conversation when he should have had his eyes on the road.

Alicia ran out throwing her phone and bag to one side, knowing that she had seconds to save their precious daughter, she made her choice and pushed her daughter out of the way.

***

[1 day later]

“....Mio?....”

“I'm here Sora.”

“So are we.” Teru and Nao reached, from where they sat next to her bed, to hold her hand. They both gave her a quick squeeze to reassure her.

Sora smiled at them, “You don't know how nice it is to hear your voices, I feel like it's been a really long time. What's going on though guys? Why do I feel so drowsy......”

They looked at each other quickly before Teru spoke, “You were in an accident Sora do you remember?”

“Yeah, I think so...”

Nao spoke in a gentle tone, “You've been in a coma Sora.”

Sora felt he eyelids begin to close again. “....Coma?.....Where's my dad?”

“He went to speak with the doctor, but he'll be back soon.” Mio said.

Her words began to slur slightly with fatigue. “.....Okay....tell him I saw mum..........I saw everything.”

Mio tried to hide the confusion from her face, “I will, why don't you go back to sleep for now, the doctor said that you'll keep going in and out of sleep, so don't force yourself. Just rest.”

“....'kay. I think I will....” she drifted back into a state of sleep.

***

“I'm sorry, shit shit, I— I just didn't see you. I was— God I’m sorry I really am...” Sora turned her head dazed and confused to face the figure of the young man who was slowly backing away from her. “I—”

“Mum?” Sora felt the throbbing of her head from hitting the pavement, and the unfamiliar wetness of the blood seeping from the gash. “Mum?” She felt sick as shock forced her to look at the sight in front of her.

Her mother lay motionless, her arms and legs looked wrong and distorted. As if someone had abandoned a life size rag doll in the middle of the road.

She crawled over tentatively towards her, unable to understand why her mother had not replied to her. Once she was by her side she reached out and shook her gently. “...Mum........”

Alicia turned her head and tried her best to open her eyes.. “Yeah baby, I’m right here.”

Sora reached out,“Mum, you're bleeding.....” she knew everything was wrong, and couldn't stop her tears from falling. “I shouldn't have moved, I’m sorry mum, I—”

“Hey, don't cry sweetheart. This isn't your fault come here.” Alicia shifted as much as she could without screaming out in pain, as Sora lay down and wrapped her arms around her chest. “listen to me things will be okay. Just close your eyes and focus on my voice.....”

***

[2 days later]

“Sora can you hear me?”

“Mmm....” She murmured slightly.

“I'm doctor Masami Endo, but you can call me Masami. I’m just here to examine you. Your father is right here too.”

She opened her eyes slowly, “okay.”

“Can you you squeeze my hand for me. Yep like that good. Now just move your right hand for me......and now your left...good. Now just wiggle your toes for me. And again.....”

Sora closed her eyes trying her best to concentrate, trying not to think about why she still could not feel her legs. But the frustration began to show as tears began to fall. “I can't!!”

“It's okay just take a deep breath and try again for me.”

Her breathing became more erratic as once again she failed to do what was always such a simple task. “....I can't okay, I just can't!”

“It's okay sweetheart. I promise everything will be okay...” Shiro reached out to comfort her, unsure or what else he could really do.

“Nothing is okay! Nothing!” She felt her chest contract in pain, as breathing became harder. “I don't want him to see me like this!”

“You need to calm down Sora.” Dr. Endo did his best to restrain her, “listen to me what you are experiencing now is a panic attack. You need to take deep breaths and just focus on me and nothing else.” The effect wasn’t immediate but slowly she began to feel the pressure on her chest release. “You're right, things right now are not okay. But they could have been worse. You made it through a serious operation, you can make it through this. But it will take time.” He released his grip on her.

He could see the pupils of her eyes begin to lose focus again. “Let your body rest, don't force yourself.”

She could feel the fatigue set in again as frustrated tears wet her cheeks. “Dad.....I don't want to leave her there alone.......”

Shiro watched as she fell into a reluctant sleep. “Its been three days already, how long until she can stay awake normally?”

“It depends, it's not like in the moves, coma patients don't just wake up and that’s it. They go through periods of slipping in and out of consciousness. She stayed awake for longer this time, it's a good sign that she is recovering.”

“And her legs?”

“We ran tests and some abnormalities have come up, but we need to run more tests before I can confirm anything. But it looks like we will need to operate. However, I think it might be underlying physiological problems too. I went through her medical records, she experienced a trauma at a very young age, I don't think it was every really dealt with at an emotional level. This accident has likely put her mind through even more stress. I’ve already contacted the hospitals counselling department, I recommend that she go through some treatment with them as well as normal physiotherapy.”

Shiro rubbed the temples of his head “Thank you.”