The reflection staring back at her caused a slow smile to creep onto Nyla’s face, she had trusted her mane in the capable hands of Miss Milania, a hairstylist that she had frequented for years and her reflection was why. Her hair was artfully styled to showcase her slender neck with large swoops that made a figure eight on a diagonal.
"Miss Milania you have done it again. It's exquisite, but tell me what is this spray you’re using because I love the fragrance and my hair is still soft to the touch." Nyla asked while admiring her reflection.

"Girl you keep touching the hair on your head and I'm going take the hot comb to ya."

Nyla snatched her hand back. She had never witnessed it but word was Miss Milania was good for it. "Thank you again." Nyla said rising from the beauticians chair. Nyla opened her handbag and took out her wallet, removing two fifties and a twenty. She placed the fifties in Miss Milania’s hand. Nyla then walked toward the shampoo girl and tapped her shoulder. They young apprentice greeted her with a warm smile. "Thanks hon" Nyla said stuffing the money in her smock since she was tending to another woman.

"Now Nyla you can't just go giving yo money away this is way too generous." Miss Milania chided her while stuffing her earnings into her ample bosom
.

"Good bye ladies" Nyla said avoiding further embarrassment.

Things from that point seemed to pass quickly, Nyla got home after splurging on a bacon, avocado burger that quickly exited stage left because of her nervous stomach. She decided to light a few scented candles, throw on some Adele and take a soak to relax. Nyla put on two shower caps and a plastic bag in a preemptive strike against her steam filled tub. She was petrified she would ruin her intricate hairdo because there wasn't a snow balls chance in hell she could fix it, but she needed to soothe her frayed nerves without the use of alcohol or narcotics. She wanted to have a clear mind today to take in the pain and the joy of tonight's events. Her being 100 percent present in the moment was important. Essential to finally reconciling her past and no longer try to keep it separate from the present that she just recently started to not only accept but enjoy.




Nyla pulled up to the Hilton and gave the valet her key. She stood on shaky legs uncertain of her reception. Worst yet she had no one to blame but herself but she wouldn't dwell on that now. She walked into the glass door and immediately saw a poster sized photo of Greg. She recalled the picture he had taken it at a speaking engagement and later used it for his website. His smooth brown skin, twinkling eyes, a broad smile warmed her heart. He looked so dapper. He was a very handsome man. 'She sure knew how to pick em'. Nyla was so engrossed with her reminiscing she barely noticed the looming figure shadowing her. Nyla felt heavy a hand grasp her shoulder. She turned around stunned.
"Nyla is that you? Oh my goodness child it has been too long. Lord let me look at you. Just look at you, those angels are keeping you well because you haven't aged a bit." Ms. Gladys said.

Nyla lifted her eyes to meet the older woman's gaze. This woman was Greg's godmother, her deep dark skin was just starting to show age with a few crows feet but other than that she still looked the same. Her silver hair shone with her fresh press and curl. A smile graced her full lips and her face was centered by a broad flat nose. "Miss Gladys it’s you that must take nightly dips in the fountain of youth because look at you not even one wrinkle.”

"Well of course not child we got the same angels." She joked patting her hair sassily. She then leaned forward and pulled Nyla near and just stared at her moments Longer than what would be considered normal passed and the older woman continued to admire the younger one. "He loved you something fierce ya know but that don't mean you should a stop living. That would have killed him all over again." She said earnestly.

"I know, I know it took me some time to figure that out." Nyla explained.

"Has Joy laid eyes on you yet? " She asked "Of course not or else she wouldn't let me hog all your time." She answered her own question. She intertwine her fleshy arm with Nyla's and lead her down the hall to the cocktail hour was being held. However if Nyla hoped she would spend this evening without much fanfare those thoughts were quickly dashed.


On the short walk from the hall way to the main room Nyla was stopped three times by old friends and acquaintances . Her presence so far was met with barely veiled contempt by a woman who had been a part of Tina and Greg’s clique of friends back in the day. The heated stare that the tall, black woman was given her could melt ice. they had never been friendly just cordial out of respect for each other position but it was clear that without Greg there was no longer a need for pretense. Nyla half expected the woman to come up to her but instead she turned her head hurriedly and started making a call. Nyla didn't have much time to dwell on her since her attention was quickly drawn by small clammy hands grasping he r own.

"Nyyllaa" The petite blond squealed and pulled her into a tight hug. Patricia must have taken Nyla's shock for a rebuff because her demeanor changed immediately. She released he hand and stepped back awkwardly mumbling. “Sorry I was just so excited to see you" she said pulling away.

"I didn't know you be here." Nyla said surprised.

"We've come since the first year.” She explained but her voice held no accusation over Nyla's absence.

"Come here give me a hug though I don't know if I can wrap my arms around you.” Nyla teased. "You look good. Pregnancy always did suit you. But I thought you were done after Austin, speaking of which how that little guy is?"

At the mention of her son Patricia started bouncing on the heels of her feet and broke into a wide toothy grin. "He is doing great Nyla. He is so freaking tall. He is going to be a giant just like Aaron. This one was a surprise. We took a long weekend and this was my souvenir." She said jokingly while rubbing her stomach. It felt nice like old times and Nyla fought with her familiar companion regret. She sighed wishing she had taken some of the helping hands that had reached out to her.

“I miss hanging out. We should catch a movie" Pat said sheepishly blushing a little at her forwardness. “This pregnancy is making me loopy." She said backtracking.
"That's a great idea. I couldn't tell you the last time I was in a movie theater. We should definitely keep in touch". Nyla took out her phone and handed it to Pat "put your number in." The woman did as she was told and she took out her one for Nyla to return the favor. After exchanging phones and a quick hug they parted

Miss Gladys sighed and bore her gaze into Nyla face as of subliminally willing the exchange to be cut short. Nyla noticed the older woman cut her eyes at Patricia obviously annoyed at the delay but Nyla was pleased to reconnect with her former friend. Nyla and Pat started Lamaze together then Gymboree but lost touch when Greg and Ava past. Patricia had called and offered her condolences as well as several failed lunch dates. Even offering to simply walk in the park on several occasions just the two of them. She was considerate of how Nyla would react to seeing her son so soon after Ava's death, but the depression had a strong hold on Nyla that she couldn't escape.


Though she had talked extensively with Dr. Schroeder the overwhelming feeling of shame and betrayal weighed heavily on her. The constant stream of ex coworkers, bowling buddies and mommy and me partners that greeted her was harder to absorb than she had anticipated. Some were excited like Patricia but most gave Nyla angry glares of most likely judging her or her lack of appreciation in her time of mourning. She couldn’t blame them, she Rationalized considering the invitations she just never replied to or the door that remained locked as well-meaning comrade would come to visit with casserole in hand. Only for it to be left untouched and rotting with not even an email to how her gratitude. Those were dark times. Tears of regret welled in her eyes at how shabbily she had treated people that were near and dear to not only her but Greg as well. Others rolled their eyes and pretended they didn't see her. This catechism of emotional upheaval is what she had been trying to avoid all these years but looking around at the questioning eyes that stared back it would seem her time had run out.




"Nyla? Nyla is that you? Lord I prayed for the day my daughter would come back home and it as finally arrived. I should beat you but Ill hug you instead." Joy said.
Nyla was engulfed in her former mother in laws warm embrace. The overwhelming scent of Chanel No 5 permeated Nylas’ nostrils making her cough a little.

"Lil' girl you were always sensitive to smell “She said smiling at Nyla knowingly.

Then Greg's younger brother Malik came barreling towards her with a huge grin on his face. He strode straight toward her and picked her up high in the air swinging her like a child.

"Nyla it's so good to see you. I had no idea you were coming." He murmured in her ear.

"I did RSVP albeit very late. It was the soonest I could get here." hoping they understood the double meaning.

"Look who decided to show. I don't know why you’re all fawning over her because she has finally decided to come and support the memory of her husband. You were never good enough fo-" Tina said loudly causing a small crowd of onlookers to develop.

"Be quiet before you are escorted out of here. It's none of your business. All that matters is that she is here now." Malik said angrily.

Tina looked stricken by the public dressing down. Nyla would have felt sorry for her but she asked for it.

Nyla's eyes barely flitted across the embarrassed sisters’ face before she returned her attention to Joy. "I've missed you Mama Joy"

"I've missed you as we'll but we will have plenty of time to catch up. Have you read through the program for the evening? We have a guest speaker here tonight that that was directly affected by the accident." The older woman said worrying her lip. Her knowledgeable brown eyes shifted back and forth from the corner of the room then back to Nyla's face.

"Who is it?" Nyla asked becoming nervous by Joys abnormal unease.

"It's Drake Lewis the boy that was driving the other car." She answered staring intently at Nyla obviously trying to gage a reaction.

Nyla began to shake, a mix of rage, despair and hatred threatened to overtake her. However more than all that she was confused. "Why would you want anything to do with that man?" Nyla hissed out.


"In order to heal you have to forgive, not just forget about it and pretend that you've got past in Nyla. The young man Drake Lewis is today is not the boy that crashed into Greg and Ava. He was forever changed by his actions.

"He's a murderer. He...they...their gone because of him." Nyla choked out.

"That is true. Neither you nor I can change that but what I can do is assist in a young man’s development after he reached out to me. Even though his time in prison was short he spent time learning about drunk driving and started a wreck less driving programs. He spends a lot of time admitting what he did and how he contributed to the death of two innocent people. He stands accountable and takes the judgment and the ridicule to help young people make a better decision than he did. It was...it is very difficult but I needed to forgive this young man to find peace."

Nyla couldn't believe what she was hearing. Maybe she wasn't as evolved as Mama Joy or maybe she had reached a level of spirituality that Mama Joy had but Nyla could not. She felt sick just knowing she was in the same room as him. Her eyes darted throughout the room searching yet fearful of when her eyes would fall on his face. She couldn't understand how so many of Greg's coworkers and dear friends could stand to be in the same room with the man that caused his death. The room was starting to spin and she began to feel tightness in her chest. She instantly regretted not bringing her Xanax with her.

"Nyla sweetheart come sit down and have a sip of water."

"Maybe I should get her something stronger than water." Greg's high school buddy Ryan said.

"No I'm fine. I just never expected-"she let her thought go unfinished. The crowd of onlookers that had developed started to dissipate. Nyla noticed people beginning to sit down. She followed Mama Joy robotically, it was clear the older woman was still fretting about Nylas response to the whole ordeal. Nyla sat down at the table at the head of the banquet hall. Nyla promised herself that she would partake in this event an honor Greg's memory and finding a resolve she was unaware she had she chose to do just that regardless if the devil himself was at the table. A grateful and relieved Joy squeezed her hand before walking to the podium to begin.


Nyla decided not to give Drake Lewis anymore power over her so she gave her attention to the speaker. Nyla sat back and was moved to tears of laughter and sorrow as random people ascended the podium to regale the crowd with stories of Greg's life, his accomplishments emphasizing his work with troubled youth.



Suddenly Nylas’ ears perked at what the speaker was saying. "It is in that spirit of rehabilitation, community, and hope that Greg not only believed but lived that we have agreed to have Drake Lewis our next speaker here tonight." The crowd went silent apparently she was not the only one blindsided by his appearance. Loud boos erupted and a few people stood up and walked out of the venue. Nyla wanted to follow them but something kept her in the seat.

The clean cut young man that stood at the podium was hardly recognizable. His long unkempt hair was now cut, he only had one piercing an over his eyebrow instead of the numerous pieces of metal that had adorned his face the last time she saw him. Even his clothing was different but maybe this was all for show. Nylas’ eyes broke from the man on the stage and fell to Mama Joy and Malik.
Mamas’ eyes were trained on the young man but instead of pain or anger the older woman smiled and nodded her encouragement to the disheartened man. Malik's face was harder to read, his eyes looked soft but a small frown fixed his lips. He was torn. Nyla felt a warm hand engulf hers and give it a tight squeeze and she smiled her appreciation of the gesture. It was then Drake Lewis began to speak, looking down at the hand holding hers, it was keeping her from running to the exits at the sound of his voice.



I know many of you are wondering why I am here to tonight. I have asked myself the same question. Unlike the speakers before me I have no stories about the good times with Greg. I ...I am the cause of the bad times." He said his voice faltering with the admission. "I am not fool enough to believe that most of you will ever forgive me for my past actions"

"Murderer baby killer" someone from the crowd screamed out before leaving.

Mama Joy rose to walk towards the podium Nyla assumed to address the crowd but Drake raised his hand and signaled for her to stay seated.

"Everything you say is true so I have no rebuttal. What I do have is what Greg and Ava brought to my life. Unfortunately my killing them saved my life. If I could turn back time I would trade places with them but I can't. All I can do is work hard to reach others and never forget what pain I have caused and lessons I've learned to get to this place. When I met Greg he was smashed and bleeding in the driver’s seat but his body was angling awkwardly towards the back seat. I later figured out he was trying to protect his daughter. That was my introduction to this man." He said waving at the picture to his left. "Even in the face of death he found the will to protect his family. That is the type of man I hope to be. I didn't know fathers like that existed. My own threw money at any problem and if that didn't fix it he drank until he forgot it existed. He tried to use his influence to allow me to serve reduced sentence but I knew that was where I needed to be. I knew that this man was not done with me yet just because our story didn't end with handshakes and a beer doesn't mean that he's not my friend. In jail I learned all I could about the man I had murdered with one reckless action and what I learned awed and humbled me. I wanted to be like him, not in an obsessive way but every article, every memory I uncovered was filled with what a great, loving and compassionate man he was. Everything my rich, self-absorbed entitled butt wasn't so I set out to change that. I was starting to feel good again about myself when I received a letter from the other driver, a friend of mine at the time though we hadn't spoken in a year. He was angry, still irresponsible and selfish. I couldn't understand how nothing had changed for him when so much had changed for me. I know no matter how many lectures I give or teenagers I reach I will never make up for the pain I have caused but I also know that everything happens for a reason. I often wished I were the one to die but since I am here I have been given the opportunity to help others never experience what all of us in this room have experienced. I will eternally be grateful to Greg for being my catalyst as well as inspiration. Thank you for your time. "

Drake walked down the stairs of the podium and ambled towards Mama Joys table his gait less confident as his eyes connected with Nylas. He remembered her. If I may, Joy you have more compassion, love and forgiveness than any person I have ever met you are truly an angel."

He then turned to Nyla and drew in a shaky breath. "I have stolen more from you than anyone here. I...I am so sorry for the pain I have caused you. I don't deserve your forgiveness so I won't ask for it but know I live with the guilt of my actions every moment of everyday. “The young man said with tear filled eyes.

Nyla stared at the young man and her breath stilled in her chest. She took in his physical changes, the light goatee now; he had removed the numerous piercing that had once adorned his face. She could admit he was a handsome kid. They weren't that far apart in age actually five or six years give or take but they were worlds apart in experience. The magnitude of the situation must have hit him because he backed away taking her silence as rejection. Suddenly her arm was grasping his for arm halting his retreat; she looked directly in his eyes, though she was unsure what to look for. She just knew she would recognize it once she saw it. And then she did. The pain, sincerity, she saw almost masked the glimmer of hope that also resided there.

"What do you want from me?" Nyla asked in a hushed voice. The pair had effectively erased the hundred plus crowd in the room.

"A chance to prove to you I've changed."

"You have nothing to prove to me. Prove it to yourself. If this experience has taught me anything it's that you have to live even when there isn't a reason to continue and your life in the end is your own. So make the choices for you not for him. “Nyla explained.

"If this experience has taught me anything it's to make my life matter. I know I can never redeem myself because of the finality of what I've done but I swear to you there deaths were not vain. I pray one day you can forgive me." He bowed his head and backed away.

Nyla swayed slightly as she watched Drakes image move further from her. She wanted to yell and rail at him for the audacity to try to seek forgiveness from her. There was no forgiving what he had done to her. Her breathing had grown ragged as fury, hatred and something else warred in her yet she stood barely moving, her stoic face revealing none of her true emotions. It was then she felt strong arms wrap around her and she looked up at Malik.

"I think you've had enough for tonight. How are you getting home?"

"I ...I ...He was here."

"Yes he was. Let’s get you home."






Gavin nervously picked up the small turquoise box He'd then pulled the top up and reveled in its beauty. He had looked at the damn thing a thousand times already but he couldn't help it. He hadn't even planned on buying Nylas’ engagement ring yet but as he passed the Tiffany and Co. Store but he ended up peering through the glass displays at dazzling diamonds. The attendant asked him if he needed help and he remembered thinking no but saying yes. She asked a few questions about Nylas’ style and profession and he instantly went into gush mode. He was seriously hooked on this woman. Within minutes he was looking at beautiful engagement rings from simple solitaires to intricate almost gaudy diamond encrusted monstrosities but it was the platinum band with a three carat round brilliant stone with bead set diamond border glimmered and shone in the light. It was perfect; it was a modern classic with a touch of whimsy. The ring described the woman to a tee. He kept thinking about Nyla and playing various scenarios of his proposal in his mind. Gavin was normally confident, let’s be honest he was a wealthy surgeon from old money most women would do anything to get a proposal but not his Nyla she was a wildcard. He was sure that she loved him but less confident of how ready she was to let go of the past and embrace their future as his wife.


Gavin threw the phone down on the bed in frustration he had not spoken with Nyla in two days. It wasn't as if they were missing each other’s calls either since he was the only one dialing. She had cut him off without a word which was very unlike her. They hadn't fought or had any words. The last time they spoke she had seemed preoccupied but when he questioned her she reassured him that she was fine and he'd taken her at her word now he wasn’t so sure. Gavin picked up his laptop and went online after punching in the airline website he checked if they had any flights available a day earlier. He would miss the last bit of the convention but he was getting restless without hearing Nyla's voice.

"How friggin whipped am I?" He asked happy as hell there was no one there to answer the question. He began the tedious process of trying to find an available flight that wouldn't take him on a tour if the country. After thirty painful minutes Gavin found a direct flight with a different airline only to have the transaction time out while he looked for his documents. Taking that as an omen he closed his laptop, he would finish out the seminar. Gavin chuckled he really was going to give his personal assistant a bigger bonus because this was an aggravating task.




Nyla woke up feeling groggy her face felt tight from the mix of dried tears and mascara. She spied the clock "Thank God I work for myself". There was no way she would be productive today. She really didn't even remember how she got home. A part of her started to think that the entire horrible episode of seeing Drake Lewis again was a nightmare, her dreams had been more vivid lately. But she was going to push all of that out of her mind. The only thing she wanted to think about was picking up Gavin and setting up a nice homecoming for her man.