Chapter 18

There is something very scary about experiencing what you feel could be heaven on earth. Because the possibility of feeling so great, when we're taught that heaven is an amazing place we'll only get to experience once we're dead, can make you question your existence. It can make you wonder if you are really truly alive.

The feeling is very scary especially when it is someone else who brings that feeling of heaven out of you, instead of something you are strong enough to find within yourself.

Unattended wounds could take eons to heal, but there are times when you are able to numb the pain, even if it's just temporary.

It's clear that the scars from my past still oozed with pain, but on that day, on July 4th, the pain was dulled and less distracting because of the temporary band aid that was on them.

I was not fooled for one second into thinking that it was all beautiful and grand that I had the brief confidence of a lion on that day because of the encouraging words Henry had given me. I knew that such fleeting happiness had a harsh price because it was just that, temporary. But did that mean that I could not revel in that feeling of completely allowing myself, forcing myself to let go just for one day and pretend that I was a woman without insecurities or self doubts?

Perhaps it was a visceral reaction to my childish, annoying behavior earlier that morning, but maybe that's what I needed to force myself to move on. It also began to dawn on me that maybe part of the reason I hadn't kept steady friendships growing up wasn't solely because of my weight or body issues.

My attitude had a lot to do with it. I was beating a dead horse to myself because Ella had told me as much, but I refused to listen. I believed that anyone else telling me it was my attitude couldn't understand because they weren't morbidly obese and had no right to talk. But now as I was going through the day, with the decision that my day would be a good day against all odds from what others said t I should be or shouldn't, that the day was actually turning out to be good.

I focused on being able to spend time with Henry, and he was so much fun that I didn't have enough time to let the poison that was my mind to do the talking for me. 

But of course I did keep thinking that it shouldn't have taken a man to bring me so much joy.

Henry took me to a July 4th festival at a large theme park. He'd taken his dodge truck that day, and I was surprised to find out he drove a truck. He didn't seem like the truck type. There was a mattress in the back of the truck and when Henry saw me eying it speculatively, I saw his lecherous grin from the corner of my eyes.

"Wanna test it out?" His open-mouthed cheesy smile was coupled with a wink and I rolled my eyes at him.

"Shut up Henry. I won't even ask."

A small part of me wondered how many other women he'd taken to bed and while I knew I had no right to feel jealous, I felt it regardless. Apparently I was either really hard to read or Henry just knew how to read me because he came up behind me and wrapped one arm around my stomach, pulling me back to him as he dropped a kiss on my shoulder.

"Nothing has happened there. Promise," he said on my skin, and I could hear the smile behind his tone. He was teasing me and reveling in my obvious jealousy.

I was about to ask him how many partners he'd ever had, but did I even want to know? Why ask him anyway? That might end up ruining the vibe. It also made me confused about the pace that we were going at. It was just last night that I saw him for the first time in a month of having no contact, and I already slept with him. I tried not to think too hard about it or feel shamed by societal standards of how long a woman was supposed to wait in comparison to a man. I pushed all the teachings from mother about giving it up too early and too easily to a man. Hell, especially considering the fact that I'd begged him for it.

"You okay?" Henry asked and I realized I didn't respond to his comment of nothing happening on that mattress. Not wanting to seem like the jealous type especially so early into this unconfirmed 'thing' we had going on, I smiled at him  reassuringly.

"I'm great." I snuggled into his side. "I wanna soak this whole thing up," I told him as I swept my eyes over the wide expanse of the fair.

I was immediately taken by how beautiful that day was.

There were many attendants and the spirit was just so positive and amazing. 

The skies were still blue and due to the Pacific current and the windy nature of the day, it wasn't too hot. Hand in hand we walked around, bypassing kids running around with their American flags and bright balloons. There were couples and families with picnic blankets and foldable camping chairs.

"You look so amazed," Henry said and I realized that he was staring at me. We were walking around hand in hand soaking the place in before we settled in. He told me that he was to meet up with some friends, whom we were going to spend the day with. When he'd seen the horror on my face, he assured me that it would all be okay and I forced myself to remember that  I lowered my face as and shyly held his hand with both of mine.

"I've only been to a theme park once before," I found myself explaining but kept mum about everything else. The time I did go ended up not being so great because the group of kids I went with cracked some jokes about the fact that I was too big to get on the rides. I remembered hiding from them and crying when Ella found me and started crying with me.

I remember her telling me to fuck everyone else and that one day I would be happy and that she knew for certain I would be.

We were together for about an hour, just talking about life and our day. Henry told me that we were to meet up with some friends of his and at first it made me a bit nervous and apprehensive but I told myself to chill.

Both of us were sitting cross legged on the grass watching a funny video on Henry's phone when we heard someone screaming. We looked back and saw a group of people approaching us, some with balloons and one holding up a cake.

The lady screaming flailed her arms and basically pounced on Henry. At first I panicked, wondering if we'd finally met the loose cannon that was one of his fans, but when Henry readily held her and spun her around, I knew that he knew them. And as the group approached, the distant song that they were singing got louder and it dawned on me that they were singing 'Happy Birthday' to Henry.

When they neared, all singing affectionately but off-key, I saw the icing on the cake stating 'Happy Birthday Old Bastard'. My eyes bounced from one person to the next as I tried to make a distinction between each of them. The lady that pounced on him had long wavy hair with a flower crown over her head, wearing a loose vest and shorts that showcased enviable long legs. There was a guy with dark hair that was extremely lanky with tattoos and looked like he belonged to the same pack as Henry. He had a beard and friendly eyes that reached his smile. He sang the loudest out of them all. Then there was another lady that was stunning by societal standards. Extremely slender, blonde, striking grey eyes, full lips, an elongated neck, wearing high waisted shorts just as I and a loose fitting crop top that showcased her upper abs. She and I were the only ones not singing along and we shared a brief glance with her smiling politely. Returning her smile, I tried not to compare myself to her and looked to Henry, who had since let the lady that pounced on him down and was trying not to show his embarrassment over them singing for  him. The lady he set down took off the firework candle and asked Henry to make a wish.

"I wish all you screeching cats would stop singing, that's what I wish," he said and earned a playful shove on his shoulder while he held the cake that was handed to him.

"Happy birthday you old bloke," the guy who dressed like Henry said, ruffling Henry's hair. He had a British accent. 

"I told you guys not to do anything for me" Henry said even though it was clear he was overjoyed by this. He looked down the cake with a huge smile, his dimples deep while he admired the cake.

"It's home made, that's why it looks so sloppy," the lady stated and she had a British accent as well.

"I see that, Pat," Henry said to her.

"C'mon. Let's have some grub," the man said as he held up a bag which I assumed were the cutlery needed.

Henry was about to walk off when he stopped and looked up. His eyes stopped in front of him which were at the  modelesque lady's pert breasts. His eyes slinked back down and then quickly back up to her face. he appeared amazed, unsurprisingly, and blinked out of his daze.

"Hello." He squinted. "Rhea Jones, init?"

With his large hands Henry had no problem balancing the cake with one hand and reaching out to shake her hand with the other. Although seemingly surprised that Henry would know who she was, she smiled prettily, she gave him her slender hand with a nod.

"Yeah. Henry Walker?" She spoke with an American accent.

"Nice to meet you," he said charmingly, eyes glowing and warm. I could see Rhea blushing and couldn't blame her. I tried to keep it all in perspective. Just because Henry had shown me affection didn't mean he wouldn't find any other women attractive, especially when they looked like Rhea.

I was quickly closed out of the group as they all reacquainted themselves with each other and suddenly Henry looked my way, as though remembering I was there.

"Oh! Everyone, I want you to meet a friend of mine, Valerie," He said as he placed his hand on my lower back and gently moved me towards him.

"Valerie, this is Patricia, mostly known as Pat," Henry pointed at the lady that pounced on him with a flower crown.

"I'm so sorry we interrupted. Nice to meet you. I love your hair!" She said as she playfully touched some blond tendrils.

"Bug off!" Henry said while swatting her hand away.

"What? I can't admire her hair?" She squawked.

"This is Dave, childhood friend," Henry said of the guy who nodded towards me.

"Nice to meet you," he said.

"And this is Rhea, first time I'm meeting her. Model, right?" Henry asked and she smiled with a nod and a small wave.

"Nice to meet you both," she said coolly to Henry and I.

"It's nice to meet you all," I told them. Now that Henry had introduced me and was being very warm towards me, they were all more receptive to me. We all began to walk but everyone paired up pretty quickly catching up. Henry talked to Pat and Dave talked to Rhea, who was very quiet. I kind of tagged along, feeling awkward and out of place, but Dave soon tried to bring me into the conversation and Rhea as well.

When we finally found a sitting spot, I ended up sitting next to Rhea and Dave, across from Henry and Pat. They'd thankfully brought a picnic blanket for us to sit on with paper plates and forks. I'd attempted not to act like a pig that morning but the tacos Henry had made were so good I couldn't help but gobble many of them up.

Everyone got a huge slice of cake without complaints, and I tried not to do what I did by comparing my portion to everyone else's. Though we had just eaten some ice cream earlier. I was starting to do the irritating I did when my food issues had gotten extremely bad.

"So it's your birthday…" I murmured to Henry, a bit irritated that he didn't say anything, as he handed me my piece of cake.

"Maybe," Henry said with a sheepish grin  that showed he knew I wasn't happy about being in the dark and shook my head at him.

"He likes to pretend humble but he loves his birthday. He loves all the attention," Dave said and Henry shrugged. The more I hang around this group of people, the more comfortable I became. They were all very laid back and more down to earth than the people I normally saw Henry surrounded by. They were all so nice it didn't really bother me when Henry and Rhea had fallen into conversation amongst themselves. Pat and Dave kept me occupied and were very funny and fun.

The cake was especially good and I ate all of it, not at all worried about the 'repercussions' of my actions.

After a while, Dave and Henry began a water fight that forced us all on our feet to evade the splashes of icing water.

"You idiots!" I damn near shrieked.

"You guys are so immature!" Rhea, normally quiet, said when some more water got splashed on both of our faces.

After seeing how frustrated yet silly we looked, we burst out laughing. When that calmed down, we all stood about talking and enjoying each other's company.

"So, what do you think? They make a cute couple, don't they?" Pat asked as we stood about talking and when I looked in the direction she gestured at, I saw Henry and Rhea talking to each other. I glanced back at her, at a loss for words, and she smiled surreptitiously.

"I brought her here to hook him up with her. I think he'd like her. She's cute and a very chill, laid back girl, especially coming from that world? She's a catch. I know Henry said no more models but, I think he will really like her."

Henry and I hadn't been touchy-feely, so I don't think Pat was trying to be malicious. She seemed really genuine and Rhea's presence now made more sense. I thought she was just a new friend of the pack, which she was, but the main reason for her being here was to hook her up with Henry. He did just get out of a bad break up.

Just as I was about to respond, something disrupted us.

"BROTHER!!" We heard a female voice scream behind us and turned to see a skinny lady with shoulder length dark brown wavy hair, a denim jacket and shorts, running over dramatically waving one hand. The other held what looked to be a picnic basket, cloaked in a white cloth.

Henry's face immediately lit up, "SISTER!" He mimicked her comical, slow motion run once she let her basket down, and finally just jogged up to her with the biggest grin. He wrapped his arms around her, picked her up as he spun her around and she hugged him back, wearing a smile just as big and as identical to his. She had dimples as well but that's as far as how alike they looked. Unlike Henry, she had deep set hazel eyes.

"Hey Quak Quak!" she teased him, shoving his shoulder once he set her down. Watching families be so affectionate was always so foreign to me. I couldn't understand it, but I loved watching it.

The friends we were standing by walked up to them and hugged the newcomer, as they obviously knew her as well. Rhea and I stood around awkwardly, not really knowing how to fit ourselves into their world.

"Guess what I got you?!" Henry's sister asked as she crouched next to the basket. When she lifted the cloth, out it was a pet carrier and a bunch of 'awwww' went around when we saw his sister pulling out two very small white and grey fluffy kittens from the carrier.

"Uh…what the…" Henry's voice tapered off as he watched his sister in what looked to be imminent horror.

"Kittens. So that you can finally sit your traveling butt at home. You did say you were ready to retire, didn't you?" She grinned as she walked up to him with the kittens and their tiny meows. Henry looked like he was about to run away.

"Awww they're so cute!!" Pat gushed while Rhea and I agreed. For some reason Dave was in the background laughing his tail off and the amused look on his sister's face spoke volumes.

"Thanks a lot, Lori," Henry murmured monotonously as he eyed the kittens with trepidation. He was acting like she wanting him two huge tigers. Henry took the kittens in his hands and looked at them blankly. His behavior was so uncharacteristic for someone who was always open to everyone and everything. His sister looked about at everyone and her eyes bypassed Rhea and I twice. After telling me hello politely, she eyed Rhea.

"You must be Val-Heroine?" she asked with an all-knowing smile. "Why am I not surprised--"

"For christ's sake, Lori," Henry said with a sigh.

"He won't stop talking about you," she continued telling Rhea, who was shaking her head, trying to correct her, but Lori insisted. "No really. He's crazy about you."

"She's Valerie," Rhea finally interjected as she put her arm over my shoulder. Lori could not hide her surprise, with her hands over her mouth in embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry! I don't know--oh god I'm sorry. This is so embarrassing," Lori said as I tried to assure her it was okay. I guess Rhea was more his type at first glance.

"You should be embarrassed. Look at you," Henry heckled. He'd already passed the kittens off to Pat. 

"This is the ass you're dating?" She asked me in bewilderment and I laughed, not really knowing how to respond to that. Hell, I didn't know if we were dating or not.

"You know money would have been a better gift to give me than some kittens," Henry murmured and I gave him a disapproving look that he didn't see, even though I knew he was kind of joking. Lori looked at Rhea and I in astonishment.

"Do you see how ungrateful he is?" she asked.

"You haven't even carried them long enough," I joined in and Henry lifted his brows at me, as if surprised that I was placing myself in this situations without being dragged in. Normally, I would have shyly allowed myself to drown into the background. I was so used to being ignored when I realized maybe sometimes I needed to take initiative. I just always thought I was ignored for the awkwardness of my weight.

"Thank you!" Lori chimed in, making me feel not so awkward about butting into business that wasn't mine.

"Alright, where's the kitties. Bring on the kitties." Henry waved them back to him from Pat's hold. We stood about talking, Lori continuously apologizing to both Rhea and I for confusing the both of us.

"BRO! CALM THE FUCK DOWN!"

We suddenly heard Henry bellow and turned to see that Ben had seemingly materialized from nowhere and pounced onto Henry's back, nearly making him fall forward. It's a miracle he was still able to hold the kittens. Ben didn't let up, continuously piggy backing him.

"Ben get off! You're going to make him drop the kittens!" Lori stepped in, trying to pry Ben off of Henry. Ben's ears seemed to perk up when he heard the word kittens.

"Kittens? What kittens?"

That's when I saw none other than Savannah and a tall, brown haired guy joining the group.

"Here we fucking go…" I heard Dave mutter under his breath.

"Oh Lord," Pat said too before sharing an inscrutable glance with Dave. Rhea and I eyed each other in confusion.

Ben was far more excited by the kittens than Henry was, and took one from him.

"What is he doing?" Rhea asked in confusion and we watched as Ben fit the small kitten in his breast pocket.

"Look. She fits right in my pocket."

Amused, Henry mimicked his brother by stuffing the kitten in his hand in his pocket and the two began to crack up together while giving each other a dab.

"Oh god…" Lori muttered.

The kitten settled comfortably in Henry's breast pocket and Henry and Ben looked like kids in a candy store. Lori stared at her brothers like she was truly concerned about their sanity before turning to me with a frown.

"I can only apologize for being related to them, but I don't claim their behavior one bit."

I could only laugh at her when suddenly I caught Ben's attention because he gasped and walked over to me with arms wide open.

"It's my fav, Val-Heroine."

I had to push Ben away for me, for fear that the kitten would suffocate or get smashed. "Hello Ben," I greeted as I checked on the delicate creature.

"If you guys don't stop calling her that…" Henry warned drably while petting his kitten. It was such a comical sight to see. He was clearly getting attached to the kitten already. I couldn't focus on that too long because Lori and Ben weren't too far off from mocking Henry.

"What is he going to do? Send us cupcakes like the sweet bastard he is?" Ben ridiculed him.

"I know! Paint us unicorns with daffodil crowns?" Lori joined in.

"If you guys don't stop calling her that, my arse." Ben threw his arm over my shoulder and shook his head disbelievingly at his brother. "No offense Valerie. He is all talk."

I thoroughly enjoyed them all making fun of Henry. It was a bit fun to see the 'nice guy' get irritated and impatient.

His features only softened when he looked at me as I laughed behind my hands.

"Whatever," he finally said begrudgingly even though now he was a bit more becoming.

"What are you going to name your new babies?" Lori asked and Ben looked at his older brother curiously. Henry eyed the kitten in his pocket in consternation then finally smiled softly.

"You know, I have the perfect names."

"Will you just get on with it and say it?" Ben asked impatiently.

"Apples and Peaches."

My heart jumped and the feeling that went through me, I could never fully describe it. Gnawing his bottom lip to stop what looked to be a huge smile, Henry lifted his gaze to mine but only for a brief moment, because Lori began cooing and awwwing.

"Oh my god how cute!" Lori gushed. "For once, you get something right!"

"Awful," Ben muttered as he turned and began to walk off, then looked down at the kitten in his pocket and petted them. "I'm sorry Apple or Peaches, whichever you are."

"Stop being a hater. Anyway, I'm starved. Have you guys eaten any?" Lori asked Ben, who hooked his arm with hers, using his other hand to keep the kitten in his breast pocket in tact.

"No. Let's go hunt for food," He said.

"I'm really sorry about this," Henry approached me with a slight frown and I grinned at him, petting the sleepy kitten in his breast pocket.

"About what?"

"Them. They're obnoxious when they get together."

"Um, don't try to exclude yourself from the pack. You're just as obnoxious."

"Me? Obnoxiou…" Henry's voice tapered off when one of Ben's friends walked up to him.

"Hey mate. Your 28th birthday, yeah?"

"Hey Matt. Yeah." I'd never heard Henry sound so dry and unwelcoming of anyone. Matt's smile faltered and he saved face by trying to speak to Ben again.

"Hey Henry," Savannah said a bit more reservedly and Henry simply acknowledged her with a nod. It's no surprise that there was tension there. Savannah didn't seem to remember me but I didn't mind.

Finally we decided to sit down so that we could chat for a bit.

"Hey Henry, why don't you sit next to Rhea," Pat suggested while trying to wink and Rhea rolled her eyes as she sat down.

"Rhea's a big girl, she can take care of herself," Henry tried to joke as he sat next to me and Pat looked like she was about to slap Henry but he paid her no mind.

While I was listening to Ben tell a story of when he and the group visited Japan, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I was having such a good time, I'd forgotten all about my phone.

When I got my phone out of my pocket and saw my mother's name, a foreboding feeling began to befall me. It's a shame that's what seeing my parents calling did to me.

Tagging at Henry's sleeve, I caught his attention from the group.

"I'm sorry. I have to take this," I whispered as I started to stand up.

"Okay," Henry said before stopping me and pecking me on my lips and quietly listening in on what was being discussed. Something made me pause and look around the group to see if anyone saw this. Rhea did and smiled uncomfortably before looking away. Lori playfully jammed her hand in her mouth like she was repulsed. Pat had been so focused on the kittens she didn't notice and neither did anyone else.

"Hey Mom," I answered the phone as I oddly folded my arm over my midriff without realizing it initially, all while I walked away from the group until I was in a quiet spot of the fair, as quiet as quiet could be.

"Where are you? Our guests are here. Or are you coming with Ella later?"

I can't believe it hadn't even crossed my mind. I usually put my family's needs before all else. We rarely hosted family gatherings for holidays and would often go to my mother's sister's house. Every now and then we'd hold them at home and I'd completely forgotten we were having it done this year. My mother usually hired a chef to do the cooking when it was done at our house so  she didn't need me to help with the cooking, especially when I wasn't that great of a cook.

My initial thought was to find a way home instantly. I was always so ready to please them whenever they needed me to, if only for their acceptance, but when I looked over my shoulder at the chill environment, I immediately made my decision.

Family gatherings were always so awkward for us and seemed so forced and today I felt like I was finally being free and being myself.

I didn't feel like playing a character.

"No I'm not coming with Ella later. I'm sorry Mom. I think I'm going to pass today."

The line grew silent and I could feel both her shock and disappointment on the other line. My instinct was to rush in and say that I would find some way to hurry home, but I bit the lip before the urge befell me. I felt so guilty though. I felt so out of my element. This was not something I normally did and it felt like an out of body experience.

"Oh…well, I wasn't expecting that. Mary was expecting you." Compared to my father, my mother showed a tad bit more emotion and I could hear the dejection in her voice.

I sighed at the mention of my little sister. We kept in contact but I hadn't seen her in a while.

"I'm sorry Mom. I'll call her, but I just can't come in today."

"Are you feeling okay? Are you sick?"

"No, it's not that."

"Honey please don't tell me you are worrying about your weight. You may have gained a few pounds but you look fine the way you are. I had the chefs make a healthier version of the food so that you could join us without worrying so much."

"Uh…no, I feel fine," I murmured, trying to ignore the feeling of discomfort that began to rise at the mention of my weight.

"So…why are you not coming?"

I hesitated. "I just have other plans."

"What plans? With who?"

"Mom, I'm 27 years old. I don't have to tell you everything I'm doing and with who at every second."

"Excuse me?"

I sighed. "Not in a bad way Mom, you know what I mean. You're treating me like a child."

"I agree with you that as an adult you are entitled to make your decision but know this, a life of secrecy is when deviations start. When you have to hide how you are living a life there is clearly a problem."

I sighed and started rubbing my forehead.

"Is it that boy that you kissed on your birthday?"

I suddenly felt very overprotective of Henry and became a bit hostile.

"He's a man, and no, it's not him that's making me make these decisions. I'm making these decisions on my own. I'm sorry I couldn't be there, but I just have other things to do and I hope you have a good July 4th."

"Valerie, this is a family gathering. There are very important people who are coming as well--"

"If Dad and Monica aren't going to be there, why do I have to be there?" I finally snapped, annoyed that she was choosing now to be the overbearing parent. I'd never been a 'wild child' in their eyes. Always docile and always following their rules. In recent years I did begin to have some kind of snark that reared its head every once in a while. Ironically I got away with being a smartass more so with my dad than my mom,

I'd asked her this question many times before and always got and never asked again.

"He never shows up to these things yet we all have to show up to save face for him."

"Is this about you trying to make a point to your father? Valerie, whatever problems you have with him, please just put those aside."

"This is about me just having plans that happen to be on July 4th and me not showing up Mom. It's nothing else. Please don't make it about anyone else. I'm not coming and I take my earlier apology back because I haven't done anything wrong."

"I just wanted you here, that's all."

"I'm sorry Mom. I'll stop by as soon as I'm done with my plans."

"Well, be careful. Valerie?"

"Yes?"

"Are you using protection?"

"Mom!"

"Now, now I know you are 27 but I am still your mother and I still want you to lead a decent life and not get caught up. There was something about that boy I just didn't like--"

"He's a man."

"Please do not interrupt me when I'm speaking."

"Please stop calling him a boy."

The silence that followed bespoke many volumes. All I could do was sigh in silence, knowing I'd overstepped a boundary with my mom. I waited for the lecture of a century over disrespect, but my mother softened her voice, sounding really concerned.

"Guys like him are just…they are the men of the month. I can just tell with him, he is not about substance or commitment. Please, if you are having sex with him, practice safe sex but I hope you are doing as I taught you. Do not lay with a man unless you know he is yours and vice versa. Until marriage. Men who commit are hard to come by and he just seems like the type who likes to hop from place to place. Like a nomad. I don't see any stability with him at all."

My mother's words sent a chill down my spine.

"Y-You've only met him once," I defended, although the break in my voice showed how uncertain her words had made me.

"You can tell a lot about a man by how he carries himself, sweetheart. That b--man has playboy written all over him. I know it seems fun, but anything that is too good too fast never lasts. Just know that. I hope you haven't laid with him yet, he just seems like trouble. Haven't you learned from Monica? Look at what happened to her. I thought by now you'd have gotten over these types of men that seem like a good time but have no future really. I don't know what is wrong with you girls. You know George was so perfect for you. He was patient and a very studious young man with grand plans for the future. I wish you could date him again."

"Are you done?" I asked, the hostility in my voice unmistakable. My mother sighed heavily into the phone and it grew quiet.

"I know sometimes you think we are too hard on you, but it's because we want the best for you."

I was stubbornly quiet for a while before finally murmuring.  "I understand."

"Know your worth and don't sell yourself short and so easily. I don't know why I'm worrying when you are not the fast type like your sister. She was a hell raiser wasn't she? Okay, they are knocking for me to go downstairs. I will talk to you later."

As expected, the phone call left on a very low note. Chewing my tongue, I prepared to find my way back to the group.

Instead, I diverted to the bathrooms.