Chapter 23

***

“It wasn’t supposed to get this deep,” he stood across from me, and I could tell he was trying to gauge me. He’d never seen me so mad.

My hands were to my sides, balled into fists. Tears were streaming down my face. My head was pounding. I’d cried all night and all day.

“Don’t give me that bullshit, George. Now I know the truth. Now I know why you’ve acted the way you did. You make me sick…”

He was quiet a while, as though debating how to trick me still. I’d shown him the video. He couldn’t come up with another lie now.

It was the sickest thing I’d ever seen, but it was like the mask came off with the real George revealed.

“In what world do you think this would ever even be a possibility, Valerie?”

My head jerked backwards as his words afflicted me.

“I hate to do this but I have to protect myself. Someone like you who grew up with a silver spoon in your mouth wouldn’t understand.”

He had taken stealth jabs at my privileged upbringing before, but I’d always brushed it off because he was never blatantly hurtful.

“I was drunk that night and said some things I shouldn’t have.” There was no apology to his tone.

“A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts,” I said distrustfully and he scoffed, shaking his head. He was seated against the dresser. Against the teddy bear he’d given me the year before on June 8th. My birthday. The first night he and I had sex.

The reason I hated my birthday.

“How do I know you didn’t take that video?”

His lazy accusation had me boiling in anger. “How would I have taken the video, George? I wasn’t fucking there! Aren’t I too big anyway to hide?”

He actually found humor in that and cackled, but his expression grew dark.

“Two can play this game little girl.”

A trickle of fear went through me. His eyes were so empty. There was nothing there. These weren’t the same eyes that had looked at me with so much passion and promised love to me.  These weren’t the eyes of the person I confided in about my troubles with my father. This wasn’t the person who held my hand the first few days we started dating and kept me by his side even when we got second looks.

No…no. This couldn’t be.

“I have a video of you asking for it, begging for it, sweating like a dog in heat. If you even tell your father or anyone about that video, you’re one click away from your sex tape being viewed by the whole world. And guess who would get the video first, that you are nothing but a dirty whore? Your dear father.”

It was like whiplash. What he was saying was so outlandish it was unbelievable. Clearly he was just bluffing. Clearly there was no video. I stared at the teddy bear. It was so fluffy and innocent. He got it for me the year before. He always tinkered with it when he came into my room but I never gave it a second thought. He specifically told me to leave it on the dresser so that I’d see it there when I woke up.

Bile rushed to my throat and I felt like throwing up. While I enjoyed the gift I wasn’t much of a cuddler so I’d left it there. I never thought twice about it.

“Y-You’re lying…” I stuttered weakly.

The horror of it all was so mind-boggling, so demented that I didn’t think even he would stoop this low.

“Oh?” He picked up the teddy bear from my dresser and held it up to me.

“Streamed right to my desktop.”

“Wha…why…” I felt dizzy with the wind gutted out of me and had to sit on the edge of the bed.

The creaking noise it made was obscene to my ears, reminding me of my weight. My cursed weight.

“I made the camera from scratch. I was trying to see if it would work.” His voice was nonchalant. No reaction at all.  

I was just a game. A means to an end for him. I was worth nothing and he just used me to get ahead and ‘see if his camera would work’.

I had never felt so much hate in every fiber of my being. I was fuming. It was a miracle that I didn’t lunge at him and attack him.

“I’ll press charges against you,” I swore in a barely controlled voice. Bit by bit I was disintegrating. Emotional pain rocked every limb. It was an out of body experience that I never wanted to have again. I thought back to all those months of laying in bed telling him what my dreams and aspirations were with him promising that I would go far and he’d be with me every step of the way.

All the love letters I’d randomly written to him just to express how thankful I was to have someone love me.

Thankful.

Thankful like I was one of the few lucky undesirable women that found that one guy that was different enough to give them a chance.

Thankful and so grateful for the hand out that I’d received.  

“And the video would still exist,” he continued, a little bite to his tone. “Once something is on the Internet, it’s there forever. You wouldn’t want that, would you?”

He was bluffing. Truly, he was. There was no way.

“You have too much to lose. You wouldn’t do this,” I said. Hoped.

His lips formed a straight line. Lips that had told me words I had never heard before him. Lips that kissed me in places no one else had ever touched. I suddenly felt dirty. I felt worthless and wanted to scrub all of him off of me. I wanted to peel my skin off and just become someone else.

He sighed resignedly and threw his head back in exhaustion, his voice filled with boredom. “I was drunk and I made a stupid mistake. Can’t you just let it go?”

Something told me that this wasn’t the first time George did this.

“If I hadn’t found out about this video, would you have even told me about the tape?”

It angered me that he looked so bored and impatient.

“You’re lying. You don’t have me on tape. You’re lying!” I started to scream while holding my head.

“Do you want to dare me?” He asked impatiently.

“Why are you doing this to me?!”

“I wasn’t doing it to you. It was just an experiment. I wanted to see if I could build the camera on my own.”

“And use it on me? Why would you do something so sick. Something so…”

“I was actually going to use it to make you think you’re beautiful. Something along those lines. But I realized I didn’t have to lie to you anymore. I’m sorry. You were just so guarded in the beginning. I had to break you down, Valerie. This is nothing personal. You are an amazing woman and I actually did fall for you but you’re just not my type. I know it sounds so shallow but…come on, I just want nice things, okay? I’ve worked so hard—“

“You’ve worked so hard! I did most of the work for you!”

“Don’t fool yourself. I’m a better programmer than you will ever be. I’m the reason Earldet is what it is today and you know it.” The fire burning in his eyes as he spoke those words showed me where George’s determinations lay.  

“Why didn’t you just fucking intern why didn’t you just work like everyone else had to I don’t understand why you would…I don’t fucking understand!”

“I did try to get into Earldet in the past but I was denied. And I couldn’t afford and unpaid internship. Valerie you keep forgetting that I don’t come from money like you—“

“But you don’t use people the way you used me.” I was so angry but I was more hurt than angry. I was immobilized where I sar, trying to make sense of it all.

I was crying in my hands. I felt so pitiful. So stupid. I’d given this guy money. Time. Done things I swore I’d never do only to end up the fool.

“Forget about that video and I will forget about yours. Say a word and the whole world will know. It was a mistake. We all make mistakes.”

I wanted to bring George to justice, I wanted him to pay for what he did. George was very smart and could release the video anonymously; they would never be able to trace it back to him. But even if I went to the police and declared him the culprit, the video would be out. It would always be out. I knew way too much about the World Wide Web that nothing was ever fully erased once it hit the net.

And then there was my father. My goodness, what would he say? Even if I told him that I never knew I was being recorded, it would soil the name he worked so hard build. It would be a fiasco. I didn’t want a fiasco.

This was the one time I should have damned the shame and took it all because this was my pain. My integrity was obliterated like a meaningless ant stepped on. But I was too used to sweeping things under the rug. Too used to being in the shadows. My parents were public figures in Tilden. This would end up in the media. I imagined all the stories that would come out of how stupid I’d been, an obese woman thinking that I could merely be desirable to anyone.

I knew I had to fight for myself, but just the thought alone of such a video existing.

“I do love you Valerie. I know it makes no sense. I’m fucked up, I know. But I do love you…Please. Try to understand. I just wanted a way out.”

We remained in silence and that is when I began to feel the numbness cocooning me. I had no fight in me. I became empty.

That was the last time I spoke to George and watched him walk out

***

I had stood up and was pacing the sandy beach while rubbing my arms. At some point I didn’t want Henry to touch me as I told the story because I felt disgusting.

“I-I know I was stupid. I should have gone to the police. Why didn’t I just go to the police? But I…”

When I realized how quiet it was, I braced myself to see what Henry’s expression would be like. Would it be disgust? Or maybe no expression at all?

Only when I looked at him, he had the most heartbroken expression I’d ever seen in my life.

His elbows were on his elevated knees, his hands dangling between his legs. He appeared to be distraught as he heard it all.

When I stopped speaking, Henry lifted his gaze to mine. I couldn’t face him so I looked away.

Only sounds of the ocean followed as I tried to collect my thoughts. Now that I had already told him mostly everything, there was no turning back.

“I stayed locked up in my apartment for days. I was in so much pain and shock wondering how I’d allowed this to happen. I watched and re-watched the video in the e-mail like a fool when I should have called the police. I was in such a paralyzing state of shock. An entire week passed before Ella was at my doorstep. I just told her that George and I broke up and couldn’t bring myself to say anything else. All I could do was say that he hurt me but I was so embarrassed because I felt like it was my fault. That I was gullible and an idiot.

“Ella really did try to be there for me. But nothing could make me better. Every time I thought of telling my mother I just felt shameful and that I would be blamed for my stupidity.

“One day the thought of the events bothered me so much I finally went to my father’s office. Silly me, I’d wasted so much time. George had already left the company and my father was really impatient when he saw me with tears in my eyes. I was confused and feared that George had told him what occurred but instead he was telling him George told broke up with me and that I was really upset and making up all kinds of things. He didn’t want to cause any discomfort in the workplace so he thought it best to leave.

“At that point my father was truly just angry thinking I’d ran George off, which meant my father could no longer use him or his ideas to continue the company’s exponential growth. I started crying trying to tell him what happened but I couldn’t speak. When George and I were dating I admit I dropped the ball and focused too much on the relationship.

“I was on cloud nine, just finally feeling all the things I thought every woman should feel at least once in their lifetime. Everything else stalled cause of the relationship and I’m not proud of admitting this. My father’s method of helping me has always been tough love, so I didn’t expect hugs. But I thought seeing me in the state I was in would change his approach.

“Not this time. In his tirade my father told me he was even tempted to fire me once for underperforming but George had convinced him to let me stay. Then he said I should be more like George and stay focused. That it wasn’t the end of the world just because of a break up.

“I was sure then if the tape was ever released that I’d be called irresponsible for somehow smearing my father’s name. He told me to put all my sadness into my work and said he was going to find a therapist for me.

“He said there was no time for tears. The heart of it is that he was so mad at losing George that he partially blamed me. So I allowed myself to be silenced and went through a very rebellious stage where I believed no one cared. You think I’m Negative Nancy now? Imagine what I was like after that.

“In my rebellion and shame I didn’t tell anyone, not even the therapist, details of what happened. I’ve just stressed that a past lover hurt me and that I had no one to turn to. I know seeing the therapist is important and has even helped me, but I still have that rebellion in me because whenever I sit across from my therapist, all I see is my father and how I can’t speak to him. It’s a reminder that he shut me down when I needed him. It’s a reminder that I need help and that I made such a stupid mistake. I’m too afraid of losing any respect my mother may have for me, so I kept it from her too. And then there’s my little sister. If the video ever got out, I’m just so afraid she would see it and just wouldn’t view me the same way.”

I felt exhausted, like I’d just relieved a huge weight from my back.

Breathing deeply, I continued to gaze at the ocean with its lapping waves as i spoke, "So there it is. My story.”

Silence followed.

I must have been so submerged in my thoughts because I never heard Henry get up and stand behind me. A tremor of shock shook me when I felt him wrap his arms around me from behind.

As I felt his strong embrace, I seemed to fall apart and curled my face into his arm as my eyes welled with tears.

“Part of my regret with George was me not acting and just retreating into a shell because I refused to deal with it. I wish I did something. Now it’s too late.”

“It’s never too late,” Henry said immediately, his voice quiet.

I was resting on the hard line of his body. I collapsed. And for a moment, I just let go of the restrain within my body.

We stood there for eons; I’m not sure how long.

I’d always daydreamed about this day. When I’d finally be able to just come apart to one person and not feel judged and finally feel accepted. When someone could finally take me away from the pain.

But the funny thing about life is it doesn’t go how we always hoped and planned.

I didn’t feel complete neither did I feel vilified or that my life’s work finally came down to this moment.

It was a humbling moment that even with the arms around me, speaking about it, as foggy as my mind was, made me realize that I couldn't find solace in someone else. It forced me to acknowledge just how integral I was to my own growth.

“I realize that my mistake has been, that I’ve wanted someone to save me. But then I realize that’s almost impossible,” I thought out loud as I looked at the ocean, my lips close to Henry’s sturdy arm. “I think it’s because there used to be someone that would always come to my aid when I was younger. They always stood up for me and took me out of bad situations.

“But when that person had to leave, I was left handicapped. I’ve always romanticized this idea of being saved and that my salvation would come from someone else. And I'm realizing that's not how it works. I’ve made too many excuses and allowed myself to be a victim a long while. And I've used that fear to keep me from moving on.

“Fear. Fear of facing my demons. Fear of rejection. Fear has ruled me so long I could only react to life by just…escaping. Escaping to safety. At my father’s company. Escaping with food. Escaping with burying my head in the books. Escaping with what’s safe by imagining the life I want instead of actually having the balls to go for it.  

“So when I hear stories about you having that courage to be uncomfortable and homeless and fearful just to get what you want, to get the life that you deserve, I wonder why I just can't have that strength." 

I worried my bottom lip, my head resting comfortably on his arm. “Realizing that it’s not the world and that it’s you who is the problem…”

“You’re not the problem Val.” Placing his hands on my shoulders, Henry turned me and made me look at him. The wind made errant curls blow across his face, and he looked at me intently. “You’re the solution. You have to believe that.”

It was true and so disconcerting that revealing this secret to someone else is what it took to enlighten me.

He frowned deeply. “I wish I knew all this Val, but now I can understand you better. I may never fully understand, but at least now I know." He lowered his voice and it was so gentle and reassuring that I was nearly moved to tears. "I do want you to realize that none of that was your fault. None of it.”

I winced, remembering how much I just wanted to hear my father say that. But I began to wonder why I hadn’t just found the strength within myself to tell myself that.

“You were and are a human being. You know that right?”

Henry’s words made tears rush to my eyes, his warm hands bracketing my neck with his thumb gently drying to tears that fell.

“I want you to love yourself more than any other person will. But one thing I don’t want you to get confused with is that being a victim and holding someone accountable for what they did are two different things. George is a monster and he should pay accordingly. What he did to you was inhumane, love. So don't blame yourself for it.”

The sound of George’s name singed my ears and I began to wonder how low my self-esteem was that I felt him secretly recording me was my fault. It did feel good to hear Henry say those words.

“I can't believe him. Someone needs to handle him.”

Henry pierced into my thoughts and I looked at him skeptically. Infuriation hibernated in his eyes and he was doing all he could to contain it. He hadn’t said much about the situation but I could feel the anger from him. It made me a bit nervous.

“Henry…”

He shook his head. “What a fucking coward. You are so lucky I don’t know him or where he is and you better pray I never find out his last name because I will smash the fucking bastard’s skull to bits. And that’s a promise.” There was a determined look in his eyes that told me he wasn’t lying.

I was daunted by this side of Henry. There must've been a lot of crazy things he saw when he was homeless and i'm pretty sure he had to learn to defend himself a couple of times. While he didn't strike me as the violent type, I thought the same of George. There was no comparison to the big heart Henry had in comparison to most people I’d met, but I’d known from experience not to put anything past anyone. The look of rage in his eyes as he detailed what he would do to George if he ever found him sent a chill down my spine.

As if sensing my discomfort, Henry's expression softened and his tense posture eased.

“I’m sorry,” he said tersely but the tone behind his voice was not regretful about his hate towards this man he had never met. As intimidated as I was by Henry's reaction, seeing his disdain made me feel like I wasn’t crazy for hating George’s guts.

A part of me wondered if this is how my father would react. I’d hoped this was how he would react. I guess I would never know.

Suddenly, I noted how the light had changed with the sun setting.  

We’d been out here for about an hour and a half.

“We should go back,” I told Henry as I stepped away and rounded him. Henry’s look told me that we had unfinished business, but again this just wasn’t our day to spend as we pleased. We were still part of Ella and Peter's wedding and it was their day.

The ride back to the reception was different. It wasn't longer languid and fluid like when we rode there. Henry’s muscles were taut and I was rigid, and I was no longer collapsed comfortably against him.

When we got to the reception, the sun had set and some attendees were leaving. I felt a bit awkward because a lot was still up in the air, but no longer knew how to conduct myself around Henry or even as a person. i was changed woman and there was still so much ground to cover but no time.

"Thank you for listening Henry. If you could please just keep this between us, I'd appreciate it." My tone was suddenly militant, as I felt a pressing responsibility to protect myself. This is Henry Walker I was talking to, not a friend that i would see everyday.

For all I knew, I wouldn't see him for a while. The thought alone hurt and I wondered why after all this time I wasn't used to walking away from him or vice versa. The moment I started to walk away, Henry pulled me back to him with his hands on my arms.

“Don’t run away from me," he beseeched desperately. My heart felt like it would jump out of my chest.

He breathed deeply as he slowly cupped my face, speaking above a whisper, "Please."

The desperation in his eyes touched me from the inside out and I helplessly moved my face till my lips pressed against his comforting palm. Sighing deeply, Henry relaxed and he whisked his lips against my cheek softly.

"You're so precious to me, do you know that?"

This was the second time he had said this to me but the feeling that washed through me was undeniable.

"Do you know how much? The fact that someone hurt you kills me, my love. It kills me that you've carried this burden all on your own."

When I looked at him and saw how crushed he was, my eyes watered.

"I miss you,” I blurted out as i clutched his shirt, unable to withhold it any longer and Henry grimanced and pulled me close to kiss my hairline.

"Valerie…"

“I miss you so much,” I admitted, feeling foolish but not caring at the same time and Henry pulled back, framing my face in his hands/

“Then just come with me.”

I felt so connected to this human being yet our discussion was incoherent and choppy. The feelings trailing within me were surprising mostly because I'd been feeling so dull lately. I was amazed and even scared what being around him awakened within me. I detested how I suddenly felt hopeful, blithe, excited, and curious about life because I hadn't found a means to get to this point on my own.

And that reminded me just how unpredictable Henry was and I suddenly felt unsure and even dreadful to be in his presence. It was the highest of highs then a low because I never knew what to expect from him.

He was so in tune with me that it was almost like he recognized my ambivalence before even I did, because he looked down at me concerned right before I stepped away.

My mind was a whirlwind. I couldn't make sense of this all.

“I need to be okay with being just me, you know?" I wrung my fingers as they itched to touch him and hold him but i wouldn't allow myself to. "I need to know that I’m okay without anyone assuring me. You understand, right?”

I avoided eye contact hoping he would agree right away. When he said nothing, I looked up to find dejection and hurt written all over his face. The sight broke my heart but I knew that for now this was for the best.

“Then may I have your number instead? I’d like to keep on talking to you.”

Again, I looked elsewhere. I wasn’t trying to be cute or coy, I was really unsure about giving it to him. I was in a very fragile state and unfortunately remembered our history and how he would say these things and end up missing for months only to come back with the cycle repeating. 

“Like in a few months?”

I wasn’t trying to be catty, just cautious. Henry sighed and plowed his fingers through his hair as he eyed the concrete to avoid my eyes. 

“No…more like, today. Tomorrow. The day after.” He looked up at me pointedly. “Everyday.”

It was tempting, but the feeling of guilt and shame overshadowed the feeling of being so unguarded. I had to keep the fort tightly closed.

“You give me your number and I’ll call you,” I said instead. I wanted to control the situation this time because he had controlled it when he wanted to. He patted his breast pocket and his pants.

“I don’t have a pen with me.”

“I’ll get it from Peter,” I told him and while he looked at me with some distrust, he had no choice but to accept my answer.

I could sense that he was feeling the same way I was, not knowing if this would be the last time we saw each other for six months or maybe another year.

I didn’t know. We never knew when it came to us.

So we just stood there silently, two broken individuals holding the pieces in our hands. We found comfort in each other but were obviously not good for each other at the moment. A part of me felt hopeful. Maybe because we had both revealed our inner demons we would have better communication and handle each other better.

Maybe this was the breakthrough we needed. I didn't have enough time to deliberate.

“Valerie!” I heard suddenly from behind me. My father was approaching us and I could  tell he wasn’t too happy.

“Come with me,” Henry suddenly urged while holding my hand and I looked at him like he was crazy. He must have sensed it too.

“Where have you been?” My father bellowed, nearing us. I tried to pull back from Henry but he held on tight.

“Just come with me and we can talk some more. You need to talk,” Henry goaded in a rushed tone. I felt like I was in some strange tag of war. This was all very familiar to me and I was so shocked at first I wasn’t too sure how to react.

“Where the hell have you been?” My father repeated, all the while looking between Henry and i.

“She was busy, sir,” Henry chimed in as he took my hand as he pulled me closer to his side. I froze, my heart shooting to my throat.

The way my father swung his eyes to Henry was a sign of an impending catastrophe. My legs turned to jelly from nervousness.

“Who are you?” My father inquired irritably.

“Dad—“ I pleaded.

“Henry Walker,” he said calmly. Comfortably. With the confidence of a lion. Their eyes were saying a lot more than words could ever say and I nearly fainted from all the tension.

My father’s eyes dropped to where my hands linked with Henry’s and he grabbed my arm and began to lead me away.  “Let’s go, your mother is upset with you.”

At first Henry didn’t let go but probably realizing I would get hurt, he reluctantly released his hold.

I looked over my shoulder at Henry who didn’t seem too pleased.

To my surprise, I resisted. “I’m coming, Dad. Give me a second.”

At my defiance, fire lit in my father’s eyes. “Now, young lady.”

“Didn’t you just turn 27 years old?” Henry asked behind us. 

Astonished, I whipped my head wide eyed at Henry but he didn’t flinch, his head tilted as he regarded us both.

“I’m sorry, but again, who in the hell are you?” My father growled as he galvanized towards Henry.

“Henry. Henry Walker.” Henry’s condescending tone, pausing between first and last name as he took a step forward with ease and seemed to spark an ire in my father.

 “No. What is your significance in my daughter’s life?”

“I love her.”

Dizzied, I grabbed Henry’s arm and began to lead him far away from my dad. “I’m sorry Dad, give me a second.”

“If you walk away with this boy…” He admonished. 

“Not boy, sir. Mr. Walker--” Henry said smoothly, with an undercurrent bite to his tone.

"Henry, please," I implored as we moved away from him.

When we were at a safe distance away from him I stared at Henry like he was insane. “What is wrong with you?”

“How old are you again? How can you let him talk to you like that?”

“That’s my father!”

“A father who abandoned you when you needed him most?”

Thunderstruck, I simply just stared at him. What he was saying was not wrong, but was now really the time? I breathed deeply to calm myself.

“Henry, I think—“

“I see your interaction with him and it explains everything. Everything.”

I was too stunned by Henry’s behavior to speak, and he continued.

“You don’t trust him. All you feel is fear around him. You want to please him and wont stand up to him. That fear you have built inside of you that you were speaking of earlier? I have a good idea now where it comes from.”

My mind was reeling I couldn’t respond right away. I was in too much shock.

“There comes a time in your life when you have to break away.”

“VALERIE!” My father called out. Now i knew that this wasn't even about me going back inside because Mother had been looking for me.

This was now a power trip for my father and maybe even a little for Henry.

“Give me a second, Dad!” I barked and looked back at Henry. He reminded me so much of that other person in my past. So unapologetic. Never trying to keep the peace to be who they were.

“Look, I told you about what George did and you’re clearly just upset—“

“Of course I’m fucking upset!” He exploded. His laugh was a dark sound and he balled his hands into fists as he shook his head and looked to the heavens, backing up and speaking in a promising tone. “I swear to fucking god, Valerie…”

I touched his arm, surprised by how taut his muscles were. “I think you need to calm down.”

Henry breathed deeply and stared at me. His eyes were those of a beast, one that was ready to attack and destroy. In that moment I was pretty sure he would find George and do away with him. I didn’t think Henry would react so strongly.

“I know, I have no right to be mad. I have abandoned you too. But I admit to you that I was wrong. I will get down on my knees and beg you for forgiveness for what i have done to you. But from what happened to you in the past, and the way your father treats you after just fucking throwing you to a therapist—“

“Henry—“

“It's not okay. And if you were mine, god, if you were mine…"

"Henry don't."

“You would never even wonder whether you were wanted or loved. You wouldn’t even have to think twice.”

My chest twisted and tears raced to my eyes yet again. I nearly just told Henry to take me wherever he wanted, but I couldn't allow myself to. Not yet.

“Is this before or after you abandon me?”

Henry’s lips parted but he bit his lip when he realized there wasn’t really much he could say. I wasn’t trying to hold on to grudges, but I was trying to be careful. I had made the situation confusing by venting to him when in truth I didn’t know if I could trust him.

The timing of all this was so wrong.

“Valerie! That's enough! Let's go.” I could hear that he was getting closer to us again.

“I have to go," I told Henry.

He grabbed my hand. “Why not just do what you really want to? Come with me. You don't even have to com with me. Run away yourself. Just do what you want to do.”

I knew he was testing me.

"Now isn't the time to do this."

"Then when, Valerie? When will you start living for yourself and not him?"

His words struck me, and as i looked at Henry I felt like I was assessing myself. I know his intentions were good, but this simply wasn't the place to do these things. I clutched my eyes tightly shut because I knew that for all my talk of feeling imprisoned and allowing myself to be punished, I was going to stay. I was simply going to stay.

This is where Henry and I were different with our issues.

He run. And I stayed.

“Goodbye Henry," I told him tearfully.

“You’ve let him control you your whole life. Don’t you ever get tired of that?”

“Let go of my daughter.” My father’s voice along with his fingers wrapping around my arm surprised me.

Henry did not let go.

“After you, Mr. Jones.”  

Even I was taken aback by Henry’s bravery.

I saw him differently that night. It was easy to get lost in the kindness of his eyes, the charm of his smile and the gentleness of his touch. But now I knew why Henry Walker had been able to succeed. I knew why he was able to live on the streets at a young age and still conquer all he had against his peers and even his elders.

He was a strong person and didn't fear authority.

This was one of the many wonders about this man. He just never ceased to amaze me and I felt a deeper admiration for him that day.

Feeling my father’s ire, I had to wrest my hand from Henry’s hold because he wouldn’t let up this time and I didn’t want to deal with an unpredictable situation. Both Henry and my father were being so unexpectedly combative. I’d never seen both of them like this.  

I also wasn’t thinking straight and was panicking over the fact that a person other than someone I cared very deeply about had stood up to my father.

I gave Henry one last look over my shoulder. His expression was guarded, but he was obviously not happy about the outcome. It tore me apart inside when he turned around and started for the parking lot.

My heart ached as I struggled with the thought that I may not see him for another while.

Once my father and I were in the hallway that led to the reception my father’s cross eyes landed on me.

“Anyone who disrespects me does not get away with it. He will never be able to get a job in Tilden for as long as he lives for how he spoke to me. Do you understand?”

I didn’t respond, staring at a spot on the marble floor.

"Do I make myself clear?" My father pressed.

“He doesn’t need to get a job in Tilden Dad. Contrary to what you believe, there is more to life than Earldet. There is more to life than being an engineer or a programmer. He is self-made and if he wanted to, he never has to work another day in his life again. All earned from his own hard work and his own talent, not by using people and cutting corners and worst of all, hurting others to get to the top." I suddenly remembered George and felt angry that I had told a man I'd met at a nightclub who showed me more love and affection than my own father. I cut my eyes at him. "I want you to leave him alone.”

My father's eyes darkened.

“You are sounding an awful lot like Monica, just lost and confused thinking you know better than the world when I protected you from it!”

He brought up the family issue that was never discussed. Monica Jones was the second born of the family.

I remember the strange look Ella gave me the night were having bangers and mash at Peter’s when Henry asked how many siblings I had. I stated I had two siblings and was about to add something else when I felt Ella’s gaze. Since I didn’t even discuss this issue among family, why would I with anyone else?

For a family that showcased succes, happiness, and poise to the world, she was the one smudge to my parent's picture perfect image. She had made very scathing comments about my father to media outlets, but those were often drowned out by his achievements.

Monica was cut from a different clothe than the rest of us. Unlike me, she was not a glutton for punishment and had left when she realized that the Jones life was for her.

She had tried to get me to go with her, but foolishly I was obsessed with my father, his approval, and leading the life that he chose for me. I was suffering for it now.

She had always warned me about Dad but I never listened. I was too young to understand, but my decision not to listen to her was traitorous because she was really the only person that had ever truly defended me and protected me from anyone that tried to hurt me.

Her departure from home was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to deal with, as that was the first time I truly felt abandoned.

Whether my father had been great or not, Monica had the type of spirit where she was going to live her life the way she wanted no matter what anyone said. She never needed anyone’s approval and I always envied that about her. Every time I snapped at my father I knew that he saw a bit of Vero in me and that’s why he got aggravated and tightened his iron fist around me to keep me where he wanted me lest another sheep think for themselves.

The strange thing about it was that Monica and my father were alike in many ways. The reason why Mr. Jones had stood apart from his counterparts was because he stood up for what he believed in and never cared too much about approval from anyone else.

That’s how he attained his success.

Monica was a fashion designer somewhere in New York. Whether she was struggling or not was unclear. I just knew she was happy living her life how she wanted.  They were both very intelligent and believed strongly in what they believed in, which was what made them great leaders. But in the same token, in my father’s case, they could be oppressors without really realizing it.

“Protected me from it? I’m scared of the fucking world because of you!” I retorted, my eyes brimming with tears as I thought of my beloved sister.

“Watch your mouth young lady.”

I took a few calming breaths and continued.  “Let me rephrase that, not because of you, because I allowed you to. But the difference between Monica and I is that she was wise beyond her years and could see your controlling fist before it could constrict her. She may not be rich but she took control of her life left before you could ruin it all.”

“I told you to watch your mouth,” he warned and I was ready to tell him off once again about Monica and how he had driven her away from the fold with his authoritarian parenting.

“Valerie! Where have you been?!”

To my surprise, Ella was approaching me with the biggest smile on her face. She was lifting up her dress as best as she could, approaching me with so much excitation. I cast my father a quick warning glance before mirroring Ella’s excitement and hugging her with a kiss on the cheek.

“Still as beautiful as ever!” I gushed.

“This would not be the night it needs to be without us having a dance off of our own.” I grabbed her hand before hurrying us back to the reception.

But not without feeling the eyes of my father boring a hole into the back of my head all the while making a mental note to get Henry’s number from Peter.

While I did eventually get the number, I never called Henry for the next three months. I spent most of it trying to get myself back together and started revisiting my therapist.

Two weeks after the wedding, there was one peculiar incident when my father called me into his office telling me that he had some matters to discuss. To my surprise, those matters included Henry.

Before he could even begin his threats and carrying on, I told him  but i told him that Henry and i were not seeing or speaking to each other anymore. This seemed to put him at ease and while i found his behavior suspicious I was too preoccupied with working on myself to worry about him.

Into my third month of no Henry contact, when I was mindlessly browsing the internet one afternoon, I saw a headline with his younger brother, Ben. He was being escorted out of a hotel with his head held down, large sunglasses concealing most of his face, all the while surrounded by multiple body guards.

The article alleged that he’d just gotten word his father was found dead the previous morning in his London apartment. My heart plummeted to my gut as I replayed the video accompanying the article with all the commotion surrounding Ben and my first thought went to Henry.

I immediately grabbed my phone and called him. He never answered, so I left a message that I wanted to see if he was okay. I felt moronic for calling him now that a tragedy had struck but I needed to get myself together those few months without any outside influences to see if I could handle it all on my own.

I was surprised when he called me minutes later.

“Henry?” I said breathlessly. It was silent a moment save some shuffling.

“Where are you?” I asked.

“Alone...” his voice was distant and muffled.

“Henry I’m so sorry,” I was already choking on tears. "I heard about..." I couldn't bring myself to finish my sentence.

“Everyone keeps telling me sorry. He did this to himself...” His voice grew thicker as he spoke. He sounded very angry and hurt. He must have known the cause of death and I dreaded what it was.

“I’m so sorry, ”I whispered, unable to imagine the pain he must've felt.

“I wanted so badly to call you. But I couldn’t.”

I lowered my head guiltily. “Henry…”

“I deserved it though. I’m sorry to bother you—“

“Henry you didn’t bother me. I’m the one who call—“

“All these people keep calling me. Why are they bothering me? I’m not the famous one. And I wish they would leave Ben alone. I am really upset I can't be there with him right now.”

“Where are you?”

“At home,” he said quietly and tiredly. His voice empty. Silence followed and I heplessly sat there feeling his sadness.

“1340 Artsline Dr. Hawksworth, California. Gate code is 406.”

I realized then that he was giving me his address. I scrambled for a pen and paper and asked him to repeat. He repeated.

Then it dawned on me that he said home. And he was in America.

“I will be there right away,” I said without a second thought and immediately made preparations to get to him.