Chapter 24 pt 2

“Alcohol poisoning is what it was.”

I frowned, staring at his profile outlined against the backdrop of the beach displayed on his large bedroom window. It was a calm night and the sounds of waves crashing to shore were faint.

I was lying on my side with my hands tucked beneath my cheek. He’d asked me to turn the lights off as they hurt his eyes.

The still room was bathed in moonlight. Henry gazed at the ceiling’s elongated shadows, his lengthy lashes still wet, framing bewildered green eyes.

He sniffled a couple of times from a nose reddened from grief. I knew it killed him that I’d seen him cry, but he was also too defeated to conceal his real emotions. That was the night I felt a change in Henry. I thought the night he’d revealed why he had such an issue with commitment was when he bared it all, but no, it was this tragic night.

His sadness was far reaching and made me realize that with that great personality that infected everyone like a brightly shining sun, its absence affected everyone just as much like dark clouds casting darkness.

Peaches and Apples slept soundly and obliviously beside him. The room felt that harsh coldness people always feel whenever the reality and finality of death strikes.

“They found him alone in some run down motel in LA.” He swallowed hard and his eyes watered, his voice thickening as he continued. “With his guitar.”

Tears slid across my eyes at the mental image. The worst thing for anyone was to die alone.

He cleared his throat. “He had a show to do at some bar but it got cancelled. A younger act that has already started gaining a massive following took his place. Meant more money for the bar. Even though I know him and Joe, the bar owner, have been friends for years.” Henry shook his head. “There are no friends in this city. The only friend and enemy is money.”

I could only imagine Henry’s father’s disappointment when a person he thought of a friend chose money over loyalty.

“He’d been trying to contact me for months but I didn’t bother. Left a message telling me he was sober and looking forward to the show and told me that I could go if I wanted to.” Henry sighed. “I thought about going, but he’s done this kind of thing before and when I showed up he was just drunk, upset that not that many people were in the audience. I was still pretty mad at him for what he pulled with the cancer thing, so I didn’t go this time…” Guilt flooded his features. “He left another message, the last one I got from him before…” Henry’s voice trailed off and he looked the other way towards the wide window. “Said that it’s good I didn’t answer his call, tough love was what he needed to get his act together and that he was starting over. Said after he saw how he hurt me, he wanted to turn over a new leaf.

“That it didn’t matter if he wasn’t in the history books, music would always be his love so he would always play. Didn’t matter when or where.” Henry was staring sightlessly at the ceiling again, fresh tears evidenced on his eyes.

“I can’t imagine how you must feel. Or how he felt,” I said tearfully.

“I don’t want to think about how he felt.” His jaw bunched and he continued quietly.

“You know sometimes I wonder what would have happened to me if songwriting didn’t work. I put my all into it. What else would I have done? I’m not book smart. So what else? Would I have become like him? It must have hurt so much. To be so close to the fame and fortune yet so far away. He could never accept that it didn’t work out. He just couldn’t. He was always searching for it.

“I realize he wanted me to stop searching for music because he didn’t want me to become like him, but he also didn’t want me to achieve this dream he’d had for himself.”

Apples suddenly woke up with a stretch and began lumbering up the contours of Henry’s body. She chose to sit comfortably on his torso, curling her paws into herself. He stared at the unworried cat for a while and I thought of getting her off him in case she was irritating him, but he ended up mindlessly petted her, cajoling a low purr.

“I loved him. I really did.” His voice cracked into a desparate whisper. “I swear I did”

“I know you did. You don’t have to prove it to anyone, as long as you know.”

He continued quietly. “But he didn’t know that. He thought I hated him.”

“Henry…”

“He called me and I wasn’t there. What kind of son is that?”

“You were just trying to protect yourself…”

He was obviously still reeling from the lie his father had told. No one could get over such a lie so easily and quickly.

“Maybe if I showed up—“

“You did everything you could. Please don’t blame yourself.”

“The sickest part of this is that I did actually hate him sometimes too. There’s no excuse. There’s no fucking excuse for how he treated us. He once told me I was his best friend, but he said he was so jealous he couldn’t allow himself to love me. Sometimes I hated him so fucking much and I hate myself for that.”

“It’s okay to feel that way Henry. It’s not like you woke up hating him. But you have to forgive him eventually so that you can move on, you know?”

“He said he couldn’t be proud of me because he wished he was me. It’s not fair. I wish it had worked for him, but at the same time I’m so angry at him for just…I don’t know…I don’t know…”

“He made that choice. I know we took his dream away from him but he made the choice to choose his addiction.”

I thought of how difficult it was for me to stop my urges of purging food, something I still hadn’t revealed to him.

“People think addiction is a choice, and to a certain extent it is, but it’s also a disease. No one who struggles with addiction likes being addicted. No one…” I said.

“It’s still a choice, I guess. I don’t know,” Henry said resolutely. His words made me a bit nervous and I couldn’t cough up any response. “I hope he finally found peace. Or I hope he found what he was looking for,” he added.

I buried myself in the blanket as more tears gushed from my eyes.

My tears eventually stopped when I heard Henry’s breath becoming shallow.

I looked up to see that a sole tear had trickled down to his dark hairline. Muttering a curse, he placed Apples next to Peaches and turned to his side, shielding himself from me.

“…I’ll never see him again…fuck…”

Supporting myself on my elbow, I hovered over him with my hand on his sturdy arm. He recoiled into himself, concealing his face into the sheets as another wave of grief slammed at him.

He was inconsolable. One would only know he was crying because his arms would occasionally shake, but his cries were as silent as a grave save the occasional whizzes of air.

I noticed when I began to rub on his back and arm he started to slowly calm down.

The loss of a parent no matter what they’d done was a tough cross to bear for any child. The realness of it must have been settling to him. It was the wrong time to feel selfish and think what I would do if I ever lost my parents, but I tried to put Henry first.

I wrapped my arm around him and tried to comfort him.

The grief eventually exhausted him into sleep but only for a few hours before he was up and about. His stirring woke me up and I heard him walking about the room talking business at 3 in the morning. When that was over, I silently listened to him walking around the room tinkering with his belongings. He was trying to keep busy.

I eventually sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eye and startling him.

“I’m so sorry love. Did I wake you?” He asked alarmingly and I shook my head.

“What are you doing? Come back to bed,” I said groggily as I patted the empty space beside me. The cats slept soundly at the foot of the bed.

“I have to pack. My flight leaves in a couple of hours.” His voice was course and his eyes were puffy. He was pale and looked to be barely hanging on.

I was bone tired but wouldn’t feel right with him struggling to gather his belongings in the state he was in.

“Are you looking for something?” I asked as I got out of bed careful not to wake the cats up.

Henry tried to urge me back to bed but I didn’t budge and he relented to my helping him. He assured me that he was done packing and I went to bed only because it was really aggravating him that I was up. Old habits die hard and I guess him feeling like a burden to others was something that would change over time.

When I woke up the second time, he’d made breakfast for me. It was a bit awkward eating breakfast with a gaping hole in the glass wall. What was even more awkward was how normal Henry behaved. It’s like last night didn’t happen. He had energy and was moving up and about, making phone calls.

He wanted me to catch a redeye with him to Britain but didn’t say it, and implied it only once. I knew that even he knew it wasn’t logical as this was a time he needed to be exclusively with his family.

He was conflicted, knowing he had to go home but not wanting to leave my side.

Henry’s ride eventually arrived. The driver charted his luggage to the car while we said our goodbyes.

“You can stay here as long as you like, you know?”

His eyes were hopeful. I knew he wanted me to be here when he got back but I couldn’t promise anything.

“I’m leading a project so I have to go back into the city,” I told him. “It would take too long to drive two hours to work everyday. I have to make sure every aspect of the project is going accordingly.”

“Are you a manager now?” he asked curiously despite everything. It reminded me how far removed we were from each other’s lives. When we met at Ella’s wedding we didn’t really play catch up on the daily happenings but mostly on my past.

“Something like that,” I murmured. Henry scrutinized me.

“I mean that’s great, but is it what you want?” Even at a time like this he was still worried whether or not I was doing what made me happy. The promotion was definitely hard work and there was a time I binged due to stress, but I didn’t have time to mope because deadlines were vastly approaching.

“Henry, now isn’t the time to worry about me.”

“I always worry about you,” he said immediately, taking my hand into his. “Why are you still working there?”

“Let me worry about you now, please? For once just don’t worry about me or anyone else. You need to worry about yourself. You need to make sure you’re on time for your flight to see your family, not whether or not I’m doing what I love to do or not.”

He gave a grudging nod and kissed me delicately on my cheek then stroking it. “I love you and thank you.”

My gaze fell away from his.

And I squeezed squeezed his hand. He reluctantly let go and started walking away, stopping suddenly when I called out to him.

“Call me when you arrive.”

“Of course.”  I witnessed the first genuine smile on his face since I arrived.

And this was how Henry and I began again.

As friends.

***

4 Months Later

The friendship turned into one of the most fulfilling I’d ever had. It reminded me why we hit it off right away when we first met. He claimed I was a good friend that laughed at his unfunny jokes. He laughed at me even when I wasn’t trying.

We also gave each other space.

Without the insanity of being ‘friends with benefits’ and with a much more toned down flirting, we finally got to know each other without distractions.

We really were more different than I’d originally thought.

He was clearly more the artist and I was more pragmatic. He had a very colorful view of the world while mine tended to be black and white.

We processed information differently. He was a poet and I was a mathematician.

He was more interested in Philosophy and I more in Physics. So we invited each other into our very different realms.

Despite trying to be obedient and remain friends, the emotional and sexual chemistry was undeniable.

Henry backed off from saying he loved me, and I assumed it wasn’t so much because I didn’t reciprocate but more because he sensed how intimidated I got each time he said it.

He would still throw in complements here and there and I couldn’t help but do the same.

We went grocery shopping together. We watched movies together. We walked the city together. He introduced me into going to museums; something I’d never cared to do before.

I was surprised when he took me to the Computer History Museum. I hadn’t been there since I was a kid. And just like a kid was in a candy store when we saw the display of the major videogame consoles made in history. I must have stood there for about an hour.

And Henry patiently stood with me.

He indulged my enthusiasm over the technology that spanned decades and was awed by my knowledge of it all. Even though it may have bored him, he kindly stuck it out.

It was great until at some point that day I noticed we were holding hands. I made an excuse to go to the restroom. When I returned, I made no inclination that I wanted to hold hands. Henry fell in line, no questions asked.  

We would talk on the phone and text frequently. He even gave me a few cooking lessons at my condo.

One night he had to sleep on the couch because I forbade him to drive home so late and on a motorcycle at that. He did live two hours away after all.

The next morning as he was walking around shirtless I practically run back to my room unnoticed, cheeks flaming and area between my thighs throbbing. While the dynamics of our relationship had changed a lot, Henry Walker was still gorgeous. Either I hadn’t seen him in a long time or he was just a little bit more muscular, his body much more toned. He had a bona fide passion for kickboxing and barely went a day without practicing.

I knew he was always a looker, but spending time with him publicly really made it noticeable. Many times we got second looks from women, baffled as to why he was with me. Others simply lusted over his good looks. And what made these situations even more awkward is that Henry’s focus would be me and I’d wonder if he knew that there were women fuming at me for that reason alone.

He treated me like a queen so much that I urged him to chill sometimes. He always wanted to buy me stuff and it got to a point where I had to let him know that I could take care of myself.

When I think back on it, I think it wasn’t just my need to be an independent woman but also fear of how similar this was to George. He hadn’t had money when we dated, but he’d tried.

Only when I told Henry not to buy him anything, his cherry lips slowly widened in a grin, his eyes glittering. He then told me how excited I got him when I stood up for myself. That my confidence was just so damn ‘exciting’.

Moments like those were so thrilling to me. But I tried not to indulge.

For a guy that used to disappear after only a few days hanging out, Henry never wanted to leave my condo once he was there. He’d even joked about moving in as a roommate since Ella had moved out.

The comment brought a strange fear in me. I was frightened because I knew I’d like it very much. Too much, almost.

Fortunately, when I needed space he gladly gave it and took time out for himself as well. But whenever I called, boy did he come running.

“The party’s going to start soon. We should get going,” He let me know one lazy fall Saturday afternoon as I shuffled about the condo looking for particular shoes I wanted to wear.

I wasn’t big on parties, especially after what clubbing was like with Henry last time, but I’d agreed to go with him since he took me to the computer museum. We mostly did things that I liked but slowly he began asking me to join him hiking at damn near 4 in the morning. I’d only gone to it once and was still putting off the 6 o’clock kickboxing he occasionally suggested.

With an upper level at work I normally stayed at work later so I had no time for anything else but he was encouraging me not to let work consume my life. He stressed how important it was to play as much as one worked, but that was never a motto in the Jones family.

Besides, he seemed to hate my job even more than I loathed it.

It took us nearly three hours to get to this party due to insane traffic. When we were in a large parking lot in the heart of the city I wondered just what kind of party he was bringing us to. We were parked at one of the Tilden venues that normally hosted concerts and the like.

“What is going on?” I asked him as he handed his key to the valet. I wondered what kind of party this was when I spotted kids excitedly running ahead of their parents to the venue entrance.

“What do you think?” He asked as he grabbed my hand and started leading me out of the parking lot. We were following a large group of people that were donned in t-shirts promoting the latest, most popular video game that had hit the market.

“What’s this?” I asked Henry skeptically when we were at the door being ticketed.

We bypassed the lengthy lines crawling into the venue. On the inside, posters lined the walls that soon let me know what this was.

It was the biggest game convention of the year. My mouth dropped as it all became clear to me.

When Henry saw the realization on my face, he gave me those handsome dimples, beaming at me.

“You haven’t really played any games lately. You’ve been so soaked up in work and I can tell it’s stressing you out, so all the more reason to bring you here,” Henry said as we walked up to front row. An elongated table cloaked in white stretched across the wide stage.

My fingers cinched Henry’s sleeve as we maneuvered to our seats.

“Henry…” I managed to breath out. Adrenaline was rushing through me as we sat down. He grinned at me, his eyes flashing craftily.

“Speechless?” he asked. Of course I couldn’t speak. Glancing behind us at the tiered seats, I found it oddly touching, witnessing all the exuberant kids waving their merchandise in uncontainable excitement or latching onto their guardians in disbelief.

I was amazed.

“How did you even manage this? The godfather of one of the most popular games is supposed to be here! There were no tickets left! You have to book them months in advance,” I pointed out as we sat down. My excitement made me slightly dizzy. I’d been so caught up with work I missed the date pre-sale date. I’d also grudgingly thought, why go to these events and hurt my own feelings? Now I regretted never making the decision to try and attend on my own.

“A week after you came to me when Dave died, I wondered what I could do to repay you. When I found out about this convention, I was gutted how long I had to wait to show my appreciation but figured nothing could top this. I really just wanted to thank you for supporting me during this trying time…”

I was beyond touched. The only person that had ever actively supported my love for games was George.  

He once took me to a convention, a lot more small-scale than this, when I’d been too afraid to go by myself. The eerie similarity didn’t hit me as potently when with Henry because I was far too overjoyed to be in the presence of great creators, artists, engineers and so forth. But little did I know how much it would haunt me later.

“Oh god…I…” My eyes watered and I hugged him tightly. “I’m so happy!”

Laughing, Henry hugged me back and the lights in the convention dimmed as the cheers arose.

The entire convention was a blast.

With our VIP passes I got to meet some of my childhood heroes and even got encouragement about not letting go of my video game dreams.  Even though I knew this wasn’t Henry’s thing, he really tried to engage. I knew I would have still enjoyed it on my own, but it was nice to share this joy with someone else.

I chatted up a storm on the ride home. Henry indulged me, patiently listening to all the gushing I’d have done online due to not having anyone to talk to.

Then, out of nowhere, I just stopped. There were these very triggering things that would just unfortunately spring up to my mind, like an unsuspecting lightning strike. And that lightning strike was George. I had these flashbacks of him listening to my excitement, pretending that I was the only thing that mattered in the world.

I didn’t realize how quiet I was until Henry spoke. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah I’m fine.” I was flustered by how all these thoughts of George were materializing out of nowhere. Disturbed even. I was over the past, so why…

“It was so much fun. Thank you,” I said yet again.

Smiling, Henry returned his gaze to the road and covered my hand with his. His hand was so warm. Lately I’d just been having teasers of him, little hugs and hand holding here and there, but it never went further. I knew that it was what he wanted but I never encouraged it. I really didn’t want our friendship to be soiled as our affections had done previously. We truly had strengthened our interactions by not adding anything more to our friendship.

Henry walked me to the door and I assumed he’d be staying the night because it was late and take the couch like he normally did, but was shocked when he stopped at the entrance.

“I’ll just make sure you’re in and get going.”

I couldn’t hide my surprise but didn’t want to give the wrong impression by asking him to stay. We were on such a slippery slope it got weird at times.

“Thank you for this special night. I don’t know how to repay you,” I told him as we loitered under the lamplight at my front door. Henry smirked gorgeously, standing tall over me. I wanted nothing more than to touch his handsome face and flirt with his curls.

“Running me off, aren’t you?” he asked as he stepped closer and I shyly looked away. His closeness reignited memories of all the intimate ways he had touched and kissed me.

“No. I don’t want to talk your head off,” I finally told him.

“I could listen to you talk all day.”

There he went, trying to reel me back in.

“How about a hundred years?”

“A hundred years, huh?” he leaned against the wall. “Is that how long you think we’ll be together?”

I smiled bashfully, staring at my shoes. “I’m sure we’ll be friends for a long time.”

It was silent before his next question, asked quietly, surprised me.  “Are we really just friends?”

The dreaded question. It had popped in my mind occasionally and I always avoided answering truthfully to myself.

During these past 4 months, we had never broached the subject.

I hesitated. “…yes…”

He looked a bit let down and I had to look away.

“You swear?” The smile in his voice made me look up at him.

We held each other’s gaze for a few uncomfortably silent seconds, Henry’s eyes averting to my lips a bit too often.

I averted my gaze just as he began nearing me.

I saw his smirk in the corner of my eye as he backed up.

“I’ll get going now,” he finally said. “You take care, okay?”

As I watched him descend the steps, something inside me couldn’t let him walk away. It was unfair, I know. But I truly didn’t like him driving two hours this late.  

“Henry it’s really late,” I called out.

“’l’ll be fine,” he told me over his shoulder.

I went down the short flight of stairs and stopped him, hand clasped around his wrist

“Please, don’t leave this late. I’ll worry myself to death.”

That gave him pause him. Anything that caused me any harm, even in the slightest, he yielded to me.

His eyes were burning as he fully faced me, eyes hungrily on my lips.

“You can’t not let me kiss you then invite me in, Peaches.”

I grinned and stared down at my hands on his, unable to shake the good feeling hearing him call me ‘Peaches’ brought me.

Finally I glanced up at him and added imploringly, “Please. It’s too late.”

Henry looked over his shoulder at his car, then at me.

He ended up choosing me.

That was the night, the first night I knew the hold I had over this man.

In my younger years I had daydreamed of having such power over a man. I’d entertained fantasies of having a man wrapped around my finger. But now I was frightened by how grand it made me feel.  

“Need anything to drink? Water, or tea?” I asked once we were in the condo.

“That decaf peach tea you have.” he shrugged off his jacket, placing it on the coat hanger.  

I smiled to myself and shook my head as I reached for the box of tea he’d brought with him during one of his many stays. Of course it just had to be peach tea.

As I poured water into the mug, I realized how nervous I felt. The air around us was thick. I felt the way I did the first night he and I got intimate. The night of my birthday.

I started to second guess inviting him in, and looked over him, jumping slightly when I found his eyes on me. He looked away just as I caught him staring from where he sat in the living room.

“Valerie, I clearly make you uncomfortable. I should lea—“

“I wanted to show you something,” I interrupted as I offered him his tea.

Henry paused and looked at me discerningly before finally speaking. “What is it?”

“I’ll be back.” I returned moments later with an older laptop in tow. It took me a few minutes to get the program set up.

“So…try and play.” I motioned towards the computer screen.

Henry laughed, intrigued as he sat forward, with his fingers sliding across the mouse. “What is this? Who is this cute girl?” he asked, referring to an animated design of a dark skinned, rotund girl in puffy pigtails periodically waving at the viewing audience. She would then jump, her muffin top and chubby limbs moving with her as she pointed above where a ‘START’ button glowed above her.

“She’s the main character. Go on. Click it.”

I found myself intensely watching his reaction.

With bright eyes and a huge smile, he clicked the button and was transported to a the first level of the game.

“It’s a video game I started in highschool,” I finally explained.

His jaw went slack and his eyes grew big as looked at me.

“Bloody hell! You fucking did this in highschool?” The shock in his tone and face made me proud.  I blushed and laughed, mindlessly erasing from my notebook to deal with the nervousness I felt.

“It’s really amateur when you compare this to other indie games.”

“This is sick…” he said absently while following the maneuvering instructions of the game. 

“Did you do this by yourself?” Henry asked.

“I came up with the concept but I worked with a designer.”

“What’s it about?” he chuckled when a few buttons made the character perform an action. “She’s too cute.”

After telling him the game’s premise I added, “I wanted to create a game where the protagonist was black. I was going to make it some unidentifiable cutesy character but I figure there’s not enough black characters in games so this was something I came up with.”  

“She’s adorable. Hey! Where’s the rest of it?”

“We were only able to complete one level. I also…got sidetracked.”

Honestly, I lost focus when I started dating George. I was so gluttonous for finally having a boyfriend that the only thing I didn’t let go to the wayside was my studies. Still, I didn’t feel good putting my dream aside because love got to my head.

“We started this my senior year in highschool, so by the time we went to different colleges we just got busy and moved on with life. He actually went on to work with a huge gaming company. It was something we’d done just for fun though,” I explained.

“For fun? Who the fuck else can do this? You know not many people can wake up and say hey I’m going to program a game. So you actually programmed everything?” he asked and I swelled with so much joy when he played it again. I nearly got tears in my eyes.  I’d known many creators who noted that witnessing honest reactions from those that played their games far outweighed any of the stresses and strife that came with creating a game. Hell, many said it superseded any monetary gain they acquired from the game.

I felt that right now. Seeing Henry’s reaction reignited that feeling that this was what I was born to do.

“…yeah I mean…I designed some but that’s a completely different discipline. I’m not really artistic but I have these visions and the designer was helping me build them. It’s challenging but ever since I was little, gameplay programming was so intriguing to me.”

I walked him through some of our experiences working on the game. 

“Wow. This is brill. I’m impressed.” He then sat facing me with one leg folded. His arms were folded with one resting on the back of the couch with his hands intertwined. He had on a short sleeved shirt that showcased the attractive veins running from his wrists to his forearms.

“What do you like most about it?” Henry asked, his eyes warm as he looked at me like nothing else existed.

Timidity crept up in me mainly because I’d never really had the platform to talk openly about the game I made. I’d sat at the residential ‘nerdy’ table where a few high school friends and I discussed games. Sure I’d gotten on forums to discuss with people but talking about it with Henry gave me this natural high. I couldn’t explain.

“Everything,” I said simply with an embarrassed laugh. “I mean it’s just something that makes me want to learn more and more. I used to think I hated programming but it’s mostly because of what we were programming. We had to program a robot in college and that stuff is interesting to me. The fact that you can program an image to do something just gives me this exciting shiver. But it’s not easy because it’s time consuming. You work long hours. But the end result is great.”

“Would you want to work for a big gaming company or…”

“I don’t know. Any time you work on a big budget anything it’s going to be hard. But working in a small team can be challenging as well. I guess it would depend.”

“Have you shown your father this?” The question was surprising. I’d wondered what he would think about it in the past.

“I haven’t shown anyone but my…ex.” I shifted and sighed, trying not to let him damper my mood. “Luckily, he wasn’t interested in games so I didn’t have to worry about him stealing from me. But I was so naïve back then I didn’t think he would ever do anything to hurt me. Besides that, the indie game industry is competitive. We didn’t want to share it until we were sure but it fell through and I kind of just left it behind.”

“No no no you can’t leave this behind,” Henry said seriously, his brows knitted. “This is too amazing. I think your father would be proud of this.”

I felt amazing when my father was proud of the work I did at his company. I couldn’t imagine how I’d feel if he showed any pride towards any videogame programming I did. I might die of happiness.

“It’s not much. We really just—“

“No it is much. You’re amazing.”

He sure knew how to make me feel good. I couldn’t remember the last time I blushed this much. “I don’t know. I just…today, I felt so…what word can I use to describe it? I guess…unguarded. Unguarded. Yeah. It’s like a total freeness when I went to the convention today.”

“Unguarded…” Henry echoed with a faint nod of realization. It’s as if he was seeing something in me that I couldn’t even see.

I laughed bashfully. “I don’t know what other word to describe how I feel.”

“You’re most beautiful when you’re unguarded.”

I covered my face, hating that I felt like a shy teenager around him, “Stop!”.

Geez! This was why people went crazy over him.

The chair shifted and I felt him move closer. He pried my hand away from my face with a laugh, “You don’t say you’re unguarded then hide yourself away from me.”

I gnawed at my lip and looked elsewhere.

“So can I kiss you or not?” he asked as he intertwined our fingers. The warmth from him damn near killed me.

I stalled as I tried to contain the feelings within me.

"Looking for excuses?"

The question reminded me of something similar and I smiled as I glanced at him. "Yes,. Give me a second."

Henry smiled knowingly. “It almost sounds like you have the Pain Killer in your system.”

“I haven’t had one of those since that night. Bad, bad choice.”

“What? You regret our first kiss?” he asked, teasingly ducking his head to meet my averted gaze. I still remembered that night and how magical and chaotic it had been.

“Maybe. I mean, I’ve never kissed someone the first time I met them. So no more Pain Killers for me.”

“Ah, it was the Pain Killer.”

“Sure it was.”

“What about our second first kiss,” he asked and once again I became shy. He seemed to get off on this.

In no time his soft lips were against mine.

I stiffened but the onslaught of emotions that struck me was too hard to deny.

He simply pressed his lips against mine for a short time, then pulled back, examining if I was okay with it. His heavy lidded eyes and labored breath made me feel hot. The closer he was the more I could smell the apple scent of his hair mixed with his musky cologne.

When I looked at him, I saw something in his eyes that I had seen once before, only stronger this time. Those eyes burning belonged to someone who loved me.

I believed him. In my depths, I believed him. And that’s what frightened me. Because I had believed once before. And the way I’d gotten burned for believing, I’d suffered some repercussions I hoped to never suffer again.

But to hell with that for right now. I wanted him so badly I never stopped him.

Taking this sign he inched close again, he brushed some curls out of my face, his head tilted as he kissed me again. Deeper this time. The separating sound of our kisses turned me on terribly.

My entire body sparked to life. I had missed this more than I would admit to anybody.

Henry knew my body. He knew me.

So just as I inched back, fearing the potency of all the emotions racing through me, he moved closer.

His tongue slipped into mine and I sighed into his mouth. My hands had helplessly travelled up his arm to his shoulders and I was clutching onto him.

Henry groaned, circling his arms around my waist and drawing me up his body, no matter how unceremonious or uncomfortable the position was for us. I couldn’t forget the moments we spent together before, and his body felt different. It was harder and firmer.

The feelings were too urgent and too raw. Too many stealth looks, too many flirts, too many innuendos had gone acknowledged. We had played the game ‘correctly’ for so long, travelling the ‘friends first’ path but we ended up crashing.

We couldn’t do it that way.

At least not right now. Not tonight when the feelings were released from their cage.  

He growled hungrily as he swiped his tongue through my mouth.

“Mmm,” Henry moaned against the kiss. “So good, Peaches. So, so good…”

All of these were trigger words. It just happened so naturally.

Out of nowhere, my fear leaped from the shadows and I froze for a second. Then I pushed at Henry until he recognized what was occurring.

He blinked back into focus, his eyes confused and disarrayed.

I stood up from the sofa and began rambling.

“I just want to get one thing straight…I don’t want our friendship to be ruined. I can’t ruin it.”

“It wont—“

“We should just stay friends. I mean it.” There was a desperation in my voice that would have sounded harsh to anyone else, but the way Henry’s eyes widened as he blinked, a part of me wondered if he could sense the fear.

It was the look one gave a person they realized was really fucked up. Eventually Henry shook his head, frowning with his eyes downcast.

“Okay. I’m, I’m sorry. I respect that. I was by no means…this convention wasn’t a way to try and…you know.”

I gave a jerky nod.

“It’s just so natural. Me and you. It’s natural.”

I shifted, wringing my hands as the nerves took their hold. He was close. He was so close. I couldn’t let him. I shook my head

“We should stay friends,” I asserted instead.

Henry’s unreadable expression stared up at me a moment before he finally sat back with a slow nod.

“Okay.”

“Goodnight Henry.”

“Goodnight.”

I went to my room and I didn’t look back whether I was being stubborn, immature, annoying, or a coward.

The harsh beating of my heart was a clear indicator why I was avoiding this.

I was in love for the second time in my life.

And like the old saying goes: once bitten, twice shy.