Taylor Mitchell

Jacob Phillips

Alexandria Holden

Adam Maxwell

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I like being by myself, don’t gotta entertain anybody else.

No one to answer to.

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold.

Someone to give me their jacket when it’s cold.

Got that young love even when we’re old.

Yeah, sometimes I want someone to grab my hand.

Pick me up, pull me close, be my man.

I will love you till the end.

                  - Tori Kelly

Darkness coated the bedroom in a way that seemed impossible. Nothing could be seen or heard, the silence beckoning misery to come out and play. It was 2:15 AM on a Saturday, or at least it had been when Taylor Mitchell last checked her cell phone. The 21 year old lay in bed, wide-awake, on top of her plush reversible blue comforter. In her mind, she should be out partying and getting drunk like the majority of people her age, but she just didn’t have it in her today. Thus, she is reevaluating her life, or more so her love life, in the middle of the night.

Taylor wants to be with someone who makes her happy. It sounds so simple when being said, but the action involved with getting to that point is so difficult. This is the age of new rules, and that includes women going after what they want. Taylor wasn’t opposed to this, but it just was not in her nature when it comes to men. She wanted a guy to come up to her, start a conversation, and let it go on from there. That, and her quiet personality damn near forced this to be the only way for her to get a boyfriend. Once she got into a rhythm with someone she was fine, but the start of that conversation needed to be initiated by the other party. As sad as that is, it’s the truth.

Thankfully, boyfriends have been in her life but they’ve come and gone. Each time she got involved with a guy it always seemed to be the same formula. Meet a guy, go on a few dates, become official, and then that was it. There was never a spark between them that made her want to stay longer than necessary. No guy ever made her want to fight for their relationship and that was a problem for her. She summed it up to a lack of love in her relationships. No one made her feel the way she believed you were supposed to feel when you truly loved someone. No butterflies in her stomach when she saw them. No fireworks when they kissed. Nothing about them that made her heart melt the moment she saw them. Nothing made her want to be with them all the time like she thought the relationship was supposed to be like. And she wanted that. It only seemed like she was with the guy for convenience and she refused to live the rest of her life that way. She deserved to be loved just like the next girl, and she would settle for nothing less than happiness.

But she will admit that she had her moods quite frequently. She was the type of person that liked her space, and apparently, from her past relationships, space wasn’t an option. If it’s not family, she’s quick to want to be alone and do things on her own. She found that the simple things she loved to do, most people did not. At least, the guys she’d been with didn’t. Her laid-back, chill-in-the-house-even-on-a-party-filled-night personality attracted guys that were the complete opposite of that. So, when they’d go out and she’d go and have a horrible time, it caused problems. But, Taylor digresses.  

Running her small, delicate hands across her face in clear agitation, Taylor sucked in a deep breath. She slowly released it through her nose and closed her eyes. The darkness didn’t change but maybe if she got some sleep she’d feel better in the morning. That is, after all, how all of this deep thinking came about. The free time she’s had lately before school officially begins again hasn’t been the best on her mentally. She found herself staying up on random nights for no apparent reason, thinking about her life.

Don’t worry, Tay, Taylor thought to herself as she turned onto her stomach. Her eyes clenched before relaxing as sleep began to creep up on her. Your happiness will come sooner or later.