“How are you doing tonight?” This was the fourth guy that had approached me at the ceremony and each time they were either kindly met with a smile, or faced with a grimace that I was not aware of. I had been playing nice all day, and was getting tired of it. My feet were hurting from the four inch wedges that adorned my feet. Add the liquor that I had hoped to settle my mood and the loudness of the reception, I was ready to get rude, real quick.

But there was also something else. I could feel it. It had been hidden deep in my heart since a month before he left, and I couldn’t seem to shake it. At the mere thought of him, a small smile crept its way onto my face and I got lost in my thoughts. Warm feelings of love and hope invaded my spirits and I mentally sighed.

“Excuse me, Ms.?” I moved my head to look at the man patiently awaiting my response. By now, he probably either thought that I was tipsy, or crazy. Instead of responding, I chose to simply flash him the wedding ring sitting pretty on my left hand and walked away. My steps were not shaky as I had planned for me to be, and my breath did not reek, yet.

There was free alcohol—moon shine included—and a nice addition of sweet tea. I will get to that goodness later, I reminded myself, eyeing the tea.

This will not make you feel better, stop it, my conscious chided me. I groaned. I didn’t have time for this. To wallow in my misery. That is what I had been doing for the past six months, patiently awaiting his arrival. But that patience had been running thin when I had not heard from him for two weeks. The phone calls halted. The google chats gone. It did something in me. Broke something inside of me.

Now here I was. Amidst good looking people. Drinking the devils spit. In a beautiful ambiance. And my, was it beautiful. The branches of the trees hung just right, with lanterns dangling from them. The lights illuminated the particles floating through the air and landing aimlessly. They were what I had been watching for the past minute. And thought how free and unrestricted they looked. If you focused a little harder you could spot the bride and groom. Braced against the tree, smiling at each other as if they were the only ones here, and they were the only ones that mattered.

I am not sure if it was the liquor, or my feelings of envy, yearning, and loneliness all mixed in one, but I couldn’t take it. The smiles, the laughter, the joy. It was all too damn much.

This should have been you Joelle. All of it.

Before I could draw any attention with my awkward movements and down cast eyes, I moved away from the lovers and towards a darker place. There was a space just in the break of a couple of bushes that was surrounded by trees. I just needed one minute to get my goddam self together. I was supposed to be poised, and perfect, and unaffected. That’s the only reason I came to wedding. Because I thought I could handle it.

“But you can’t Joelle, can you?” It was a whisper in the dark. One to myself. I found myself leaning against the deepest tree in the small grove. The bark of the tree pricked against my fingers as I held to keep myself up.

“Kevin, where are you?” It was a silent cry. A plea at the most, that maybe, just maybe he would hear. I didn’t stop the tears this time. I allowed them to openly slide down my face. It was the sounds that threatened to break free that scared me. They always scared me.

“Shhh.” I had not heard anything. Not even a twig break. But I felt warm, calloused fingers wrap around the thickness of my arms. I tensed, and was prepared to fight, but then I heard it. I heard him.

“I am here, beautiful.” I felt like I was in some cliché movie, and for a second I refused to believe it. But I was being turned around on shaky legs and a broken heart.

“I am here. It is okay.” He left no time for me to hesitate. His hands framed my face, forcing me to look at him. I was forced to look into those dark eyes, and get reacquainted with a musk that only belonged to him.

“Okay?” I didn’t stop the tears from flowing, or attempt to wipe away the cracked makeup on my cheek. Instead, I nodded. Accepting that he was once again back in my life.

“Alright.” He is here. He is home.