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The Confrontation a JOVAN Story    REVISED

Chapter 3    Need for a Workout

Months later and another day in the life of a busy defense attorney. No rest for the weary for as soon as I finished with Christian’s case I still have Todd’s case to handle and things are not going well.  Todd is convicted of murdering Margaret Cochran and her baby.  He’s sentenced to lethal injection in a few months.  I am at my wit’s end in trying to get an appeal.  Just as I am losing all hope of saving Todd I get a call from my private investigator that he’s turned up something that he needs to follow up but it will require travel out of the US.  It’s a good thing that I have a substantial reserve fund so I tell him to go where he needs to go to get the information that will help our client. 

Needing a release from all the stress of Todd’s case I head to the gym for a workout.   I do my usual circuit route and then head for the heavy bag.  I punch that thing with all of my might. It would work better if I put a picture of John on the front of it.  I would get a real workout punching that.  Then who should appear but the man himself?  I glance at him and then continue with my workout. Ignoring his presence I move to the bicycle to spin a few miles.  After that I make it to the showers, change and head out.  All of the time I can feel his eyes on me.  Too late and too bad.  That boat has sailed and sank.

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I see Evangeline when I enter the gym.  She’s at the heavy bag giving it a good work out.  She could handle de la Hoya by the way she’s punching that bag.  She’s probably wishing that it was my head that she was punching and I can’t blame her.  I made a mess of everything for everybody.  Being suspended from the force I have had time to think about all of the wrong things that I have done.  Hurting Evangeline is at the top of the list.  Can’t forget letting Christian go to jail for a crime for which he was not wholly responsible for committing.  And let’s not forget my getting involved with Natalie all the time knowing that she was still a married woman.  With the suspension the department ordered mandatory counseling. I objected at first but now I realize that it’s exactly what I need.  Dr. Crosby has gotten me to finally talk about my dad’s and Caitlin’s deaths and how they affected me and skewed my views on everything from love to family to honor to everything.  

I’ve messed up everybody’s life and made a mess of my career. The one glaring realization in all of this is that the one true chance that I had for love is now lost. Sure I felt something for Natalie. But what was it.  I don’t cheat so how could I have thought that I was in love with her when I knew all along that she was still married. The two don’t mix.  Loving and being with her while she was still married goes against everything that I believe.  Evangeline was right.  I may no have been unfaithful to her physically but I was unfaithful to her emotionally and that wasn’t right. And if I had wanted to be with Natalie I had every opportunity to do that even when I was with Evangeline.  Several times Evangeline tried to walk away from our relationship but I kept telling her that I didn’t want us to be over. If I loved Natalie so much why didn’t I let Evangeline go when she offered to go?  Why?  Because I was telling the truth when I told Evangeline that if I were ever to say the words ‘I love you’ it would be to her and that she ‘made me feel things that I never thought that I would feel again’.  All of that was true so why didn’t I tell her that I love her? It was easier to tell Natalie because she wouldn’t pressure me the way that Evangeline would.  Evangeline would call me on my mess whereas Natalie would just let me be.  Now I know that I needed someone to argue with me, to force me to see my true self and not the self that I project to others.  Evangeline tried to help me with that but I pushed her away. Natalie won’t talk to me now because I lied to her about Christian but Christian asked me not to tell her. But that’s not the only reason. Yes I wanted Natalie for myself because I was tired of being alone.  Evangeline wouldn’t have anything to do with me so why not.  No I can’t blame anyone but myself for this mess. Now how do I fix this? Evangeline won’t even look at me. I know that she sees me but she ignores me.  I don’t dare try to talk to her now.  I will bide my time.  Maybe time will ‘heal all wounds’.  I hope so because I need her.  Who?  Evangeline.  I know now what I should have known all along.  That woman is it for me and some how I’ve got to get her back in my life.  I have no idea how but that won’t prevent me from trying.  First things first though.  I have to continue with my therapy with Dr. Crosby.  Maybe he has some ideas on how I might get Evangeline back.