Un-betaed

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The JOVAN Saga – A Collection of One-Shots

(Author’s Note:  After Evangeline broke up with John she went to visit Nora.  She explained to Nora what happened and Nora tried to convince her that John really does love her.  Nora tells Evangeline not to get ‘hung up’ on the words because sometimes people can say the words ‘I love you’ and not really feel them in their heart.  Nora told Evangeline “when he has told you in a million wordless ways that you’re the woman of his dreams.” (see YouTube video – ‘JoVan – A million wordless ways’ by Tee958, between minutes 4:50-5:00.  

Now fast forward to the conversation in the park between Evangeline and John, after she’s rescued from the fire, released from the hospital and after they run into each other at the Love Center fire site.  We will change that park conversation a bit and let’s see how things progress.  Check out the YouTube video of this scene titled ‘Jovan – John and Evangeline run into each other at the fire site’ by JoVan Olitz, after minute 4:04 is where we change the conversation.)

Chapter 17 A million wordless ways

After Evangeline and John leave the Love Center they walk through the park.  Evangeline tells John that he does not need to escort her because she has other police officers trailing her for her protection.

John – “I know that I’ve hurt you.”

Evangeline – “It’s all been said.”

John – “No it hasn’t.  I hate that I left you in that fire for even one second.  I hate the decision I was forced to make.  It destroyed my relationship with you because… because.”

Evangeline – “What?”

John – “It was all I ever wanted.”

Evangeline – “Prove it.”

John pulls her to him and kisses her.  Evangeline returns the kiss for a minute and then pushes away from John.

Evangeline – “What was that?  Why did you do that?  You still can’t say what you feel!”

John – “Doesn’t that say anything?”

Evangeline – “It doesn’t say anything!  It doesn’t solve anything!  It is not enough!  This is why we broke up this is why we’re going to stay broke up.”

John – “Don’t you think I want to take away the pain I’ve caused you?”

Evangeline – “Well you can’t!”

John – “What do you want me to do Evangeline?  I know that you’re in pain but so am I.  Do you have any idea how I felt to walk into that gym and find you tied to a pole with a fire burning at your feet?  Do you?”

Evangeline stops for a moment and pushes away her anger to really look at John.  Up until this exact moment she didn’t care how he felt because all she saw, all that she thought about was his betrayal, his betrayal of rescuing Natalie first.    Even though when she was in the hospital she told him that she didn’t blame him for that if she was honest with herself she did and still does blame him for that.  But even with that clarity of mind she doesn’t know how to answer his question so she doesn’t.

John waits for Evangeline to respond to his question and when she doesn’t he doesn’t press her.  Instead he says, “I have to go to the station now.  Be safe.  I’ll call you later.”  John leaves feeling defeated that Evangeline will not reconsider her decision on their breakup.  

xXxXxXxXx

Evangeline makes it back to her apartment.  She is drained from her conversation with John.  Too tired and keyed up to eat she takes a shower and goes to bed.  A few hours later she’s still awake.  Instead of lying in bed tossing and turning she decides to get up and do something constructive.  

After talking with Evangeline in the park John returns to the station to talk with Bo about the possibility of their being two persons involved in the Killing Club Killer case.  John recounts to Bo parts of his earlier conversation with Evangeline where she mentions that they tried to escape but the other person caught them at the window.  Not making any further progress in the case John decides to call it a night and good home.  Perhaps a good night’s sleep will allow him to get a better perspective on the case.

John makes it to his apartment, takes a shower and lies in bed trying to calm his mind.  He doesn’t fall asleep at first but at least his mind is no longer racing with all the what ifs and maybes that have been swirling around in his head for the last few weeks.  Even though sleep evades him he decides to just lie in bed and allow his body and mind to rest.  Then he hears a knock on his door.  It is a bit late for someone to stop by so he ignores it.  Then he hears another knock.  Thinking it is Roxie with some problem he gets up and goes to his door.  Opening the door he finds Evangeline.  Now he is really concerned.  Why is she out at this time of night?  Did something else happen to her?

“Evangeline what are you doing here?  Has something else happened to you?  Where is your protection detail?”

“May I come in?  I don’t want to have this conversation in the hallway.  The officer is outside in his patrol car.  I told him that I was coming to speak with you.”

John invites her in and she sits on the sofa.  He still is confused as to why she is here.  Sitting next to her on the sofa he asks,  “Is something wrong?  It’s really late for you to be out.”

“I don’t know John.  You asked me earlier if I knew how you felt when you saw me tied to the pole.  I don’t know John.  You’ve never told me how you felt.  How am I supposed to know?”

“You came all of the way over here at this time of night to talk about that?”

“Did I wake you?  I’m sorry.  I’ll leave and we can talk about this some other time.”

“No, that’s not what I meant to say. We can talk about it now.  It seems like whenever we try to talk about something we’re always interrupted.  So you want me to tell you how I felt when I rushed into that gym?”

“No John I don’t.  Your kiss earlier told me how you felt.  With you I have put so much weight on hearing the words ‘I love you’ and I missed all of your actions that said in so many wordless ways that you love me.  It’s funny that Nora had it right all along.  The day that I broke up with you I went to talk with Nora.  I needed to talk with my friend.  She was going through the after effects of her relationship with Daniel Colson so you can imagine how devastated she was but she still tried to comfort me.  I told her about Natalie saying that you told her that you loved her.  I was truly hurt that you never said those words to me but Nora scolded me about that.  She said that I was too hung up on the words.  She said that Daniel always told her that he loved her so that I could see that the words are not that important.  Nora asked me why couldn’t I see that you have told me in a million wordless ways that I am the woman of your dreams.  I see it now John.”

John cannot believe what she is saying.  What happened between the talk in the park and now?  

“What changed you mind?”  John asks Evangeline.

Evangeline doesn’t say anything for a minute and John thinks that once again she’s not going to answer him but then she asks him if he knows the Elizabeth Barrett Browning poem, “How do I love thee?” Sonnet 43.  John replies that he does and so Evangeline starts:

“You told me that I’m the woman that you want to be with yesterday, today and tomorrow!”

“You attached strings to my wrist as a sign of your commitment.”

John understands now that she’s delineating his actions that showed that he loves her so he adds some before she can continue:

“I asked you to stay with me after you were attacked at the train station.”

“I gave you my mother’s pearls.”

Evangeline smiles because she realizes that he understands what she’s doing and the conclusion that she has made.  She continues with her list of actions:

“You comforted me after I lost Kelly Cramer’s case.”

“You comforted me after my run in with Antonio at the gym about my losing his custody case.”

“You comforted me on the death of my great aunt and accompanied me to her funeral.”

John adds another to the list:

“I asked you not to give up on us.  We’re worth fighting for.”

They look at each other at that point and both realize that they’ve arrived at a major turning point.  But John is not finished.  There are things that he has to say now.

“Evangeline I did so many things wrong in our relationship but I never lied to you when I said that I didn’t want our relationship to end.  I want to be with you.  I want you in my life.  I know that we still have work to do but can I hope that after this conversation that we can start again?  I still have a hard time with the words but I’m so glad that you realize now that I have tried to express them in my actions.”

“John I do realize that now.  I also realize that if you really wanted Natalie you could have had her at any time that we were together.  The fact that you never did should have told me then that you wanted a relationship with me but I couldn’t see that.  What do we do now?”

All during their recounting of John’s actions proving his love they’re both sitting on the sofa facing each other.  They’re not touching but they’re looking into each other’s eyes.  Now John takes Evangeline’s hands and kisses them.  Then he tilts her head so that he can look her in the eyes and says,  “Evangeline, I love you.”

Evangeline gasps.  She leans into him and kisses his lips and while still close to him and their breaths are mingled she responds, “I know.”

The End.