Un-betaed

All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Finding My Way

Chapter 5

Hannah’s wedding was beautiful and all of the team made it.  Alec and I were the only ones who didn’t bring a ‘plus one’. Erica and Hannah both tried to set us up with dates but we declined.  Erica even tried to get me to agree to bring a friend of a friend of hers who was fairly new to town but I declined the offer.  She said that the lady was very nice, an attorney and from London.  When she said ‘an attorney’ my gut clenched and memories flooded my brain and I had to stop myself to quell them.  I recovered with Erica none the wiser. 

Now here we are a year later and I have to travel to London for a meeting.  I will be there for a week. This past year passed with some changes.  Liam spent part of his summer with me.  He has a new sister now.  Natalie married and has a baby girl named Cecile.  I’m happy for her and Liam is excited to be a big brother. Well at least one of us has a ‘happy ever after’.  Don’t get me wrong I haven’t given up on finding someone and I have been on ‘dates’ but still either I don’t ‘click all the boxes’ for them or they don’t make me ‘feel’ like pursuing it any further.  Maybe I should just resolve to be a ‘confirmed bachelor’ like Alec.  He seems to be none the worse for wear and enjoying himself but I can really see myself doing that. I want a home life.  I want a wife and children.

Not all is gloom in my life though.  I’ve taken up running and have joined a running group.  And yes the women in the group have tried to set me up too and I’ve even gone out on a few dates with some of them but we resolved that we do better as ‘friends’ or acquaintances’.  I’m okay with that.  The guys in the group get along well and Evan even joined, as if he needed to get any more fit than he already is.  That guy kept up his exercise routine after he left the NFL even with the hectic hours of medical school.  He says that the running group makes him feel like a team member again on the physical activity level, like being a member of the football team. I understand what he means. 

Well my hotel in London is not far from the meeting place so I decide to walk. The weather is nice and I get to enjoy the weather because I will be inside most of the day.  There’s a coffee shop on the corner and I stop there for cup.  I’m a bit early for the meeting so I have time to sit and read the newspaper.  I drink my coffee, glance at the paper and watch the people come in and exit the coffee shop.  At one point I look out the window to watch the people walking by and for a moment I catch sight of someone walking by who looks familiar.  I leave my coffee on the table and jump up and rush out of the coffee shop.  I look down the sidewalk in both directions but I can’t find them. I think, ‘where did they go’? I’m a bit unsettled after that and continue my walk to the conference meeting location.  But I still ask myself, why would Mr. Williamson be in London?  But why should he not? I didn’t know him that well so he could have traveled here and I would never know.  It was probably someone who just looked like him and anyway what does it matter?  Seeing him just made me think of her and that does me no good.  She’s gone forever now just like Caitlin. I will meet someone new with whom I can share a life.  I know that it will happen so I just have to leave myself receptive to that.

@@@@@@@@@@

Six months after my London meeting I’m back working cases with my team and everyone is in good spirits.  Hannah is pregnant and due in a month. Amir is now married and ‘happy as a lark’.  I’m happy for both of them but it just makes me think that I lost my chance at happiness when Caitlin died and am now doomed to be alone.  That’s not true. I made mistakes with my other relationships and let what might have been something great to pass through my fingers.  

Not one to give up after one try, I’m going to another opera tonight, la Traviata.  This time I don’t fall asleep and oddly enough I was able to follow along, good thing that I read notes about the opera before booking the ticket.  So now no one can say that I haven’t been to the opera.  I feel a sense of accomplishment.

I make it back home after the opera and a strange thought comes to my mind, [Evangeline would have been proud of me for going to the opera.  Getting out of my comfort zone and seeing what else life has to offer.]  Just as quickly as the thought came it faded.  I didn’t dwell on it.  Well I am proud of myself.  

(Ring, ring)

“Hi Michael, what’s up?”

“Hi John just calling to check on you. How are you?”

“I’m fine Michael, now why are you really calling?”

“Your birthday is next month so I wanted to know if you have anything planned?”

“Michael you know that I don’t celebrate my birthday so why would I plan anything?  What is this about?”

“That’s just it John.  You never plan anything and each year goes by as if nothing happened.  Each year is a year to celebrate that you have another year.  Why not celebrate for once?  What’s so wrong about celebrating a birthday?”

“Michael, that is not why you called.  What’s wrong?”

“Okay you’re right that’s not why I called. One of my colleagues died today. He was your age.  He reminded me a lot of you.  Consumed with himself and a bit reclusive. Although you have improved in recent years, and he didn’t celebrate birthdays either.  I want you to enjoy life John.  I know that you’ve had a hard time of things but there have been some good times.  I know that your romantic relationships didn’t pan out but you’re still an attractive man and still young enough to find someone with whom to share a life. You don’t have the McBain charm like I do and that’s probably why you have such a hard time staying in a relationship but there is still hope for you John.  Don’t give up.”

“Well thanks for the pep talk Michael.  I hope that you feel better now.”

“I do John, thanks for listening. What are you doing this weekend?”

“I don’t have any plans just relaxing and going for a run on Saturday.  I’m really enjoying this running thing.  Hopefully the weather will cooperate.  No snow in the forecast so hopefully I can run in the park. Why what are you and Marcie doing?”

“We’re going on a couples retreat for Valentine’s Day weekend.”

[Valentine’s Day triggers a memory for me of another Valentine’s Day when I was serenaded.]

“Sounds like fun Michael.  Enjoy yourself.  I have to go now.  Talk with you later.”

“Okay John I get the hint that you want me to hang up.  Talk with you later. Take care.”

“You take care too Michael.”

@@@@@@@@@

Maybe I should try this online dating thing that some people are doing.  There has to be someone out there for me. But just my luck I pick someone who appears to be right for me and they turn out to be a dude named ‘Bubba’ pretending that he’s some hot chick named ‘Deidre’.  I think that I will stick with the meet and greet in person.

There’s a recruitment event downtown DC, with many of the federal agencies, local universities, and businesses with booths.  I’m not scheduled to attend but it’s my day off and I think that I might just pop in to see what it’s all about.  I make it to the venue just before lunch time and walk around looking at the various booths and am very impressed.  The people looking for jobs or placements have come dressed in professional wear and the booth attendees have pamphlets, applications, and talk a bit with those stopping at their booths.  I don’t stay long but just as I’m about to exit I look down the corridor and stop in my tracks.  From the back that lady looks just like….  No it can’t be and anyway the hair is wrong.  It’s just my imagination. Get a grip John. When I look up again she’s gone. [See I told you it was just your imagination].  I need a run.

I make it home and do go for that run which clears my head and I can think clearly now.  Just old memories resurfacing nothing more.  I think that I will go visit my mother this weekend.  She’s home for a break and I haven’t seen her in a while.