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Finding My Way

Chapter 7

Everything is working out great for me.  The manager at the London office has decided to retire and take care of his ailing mother in Scotland.  The senior partners at the firm have offered me the manager’s position starting in three months.  I am beyond excited.  Uncle Stephen has an engagement in Atlantic City and I will meet up with him there to share the news.  He won’t tell me what he has planned in Atlantic City but I don’t care as long as I get some time with him.  He heads back to London soon after concluding his business there and once I tell him my good news he will want me to return with him. 

My how far I have come.  Who knew that so many years ago I was at my lowest point and now it feels like I am on top of the world.  I feel renewed, restored and refreshed.  God has truly blessed me and I will not take for granted this new lease on life that He has afforded me.  Although in arriving at this point in my life I had to leave behind my past but it was well worth the sacrifice.  Many will not understand my choices but I do.  Doing what I did has allowed me to ‘breathe’.  Before I felt so stifled and rigid and so limited. Now it’s as if there is no limit to the things that are possible for me.  I have worked harder these to get to this point than I have ever worked and it is paying great dividends. Who knew that I would be so good in doing something so different than what I’m used to doing? Uncle Stephen understands. It’s funny that our lives are a bit similar and I know that I can tell him how I feel and he understands my feelings and concerns.  He says, “Feel it Allie but don’t let it consume you.  Live life and live it abundantly.”  

I think that it is so funny how you can seem to disappear in a big city.  In a small town it’s like everybody knows everybody but in a big city you can go on with your life and sometimes no one notices.  Within and amongst all of this freedom there does come moments when I am a little lonely and long for some companionship.  But I am on a mission to forward my new career and then I can ease off and make myself more available to find that special person for me. I’ll use Uncle Stephen again as my model because he recently found the woman of his dreams and they have a beautiful life together so I know that it can be possible for me too. 

After checking in at the hotel in Atlantic City I meet up with Uncle Stephen in the restaurant for lunch.

“Hello Allie you look lovely as usual. How was the drive?”

“The drive was fine Uncle Stephen.  So what brings you to Atlantic City?”

“My business partners and I had meetings in New York City and decided to stop in Atlantic City to take in the boardwalk and the casinos.  One of the partners had some personal business to take care of here too so we all agreed to spend a few days here before flying back to London. Since I was so close I wanted to see you and so here you are.  What’s new with you?”

“Uncle Stephen, my firm offered to me the London office manager position and I accepted!  I’m returning to London.  Isn’t that great news?”

“That is fantastic news Allie!  You know that I want you back in London. That is your home now and we have missed you.  When do you move?”

“I start work in three (3) months. The company will provide housing until I can move back into my apartment there since it’s now being leased. Uncle Stephen everything is working out so well for me.  I am so thankful.”

“You deserve all these good things Alexandria. You’ve come a long and hard way and I am so proud of you.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you Uncle Stephen.”

“So now that you will return to London have you given any thought to that other matter?”

“What other matter?”

“Don’t play coy with me little lady.  The other matter of reaching out.”

“Have you reached out Uncle Stephen? When you reach out then I will reach out too.”

“All right Allie I get your point.  How can I ask you to do something that I myself am not willing to do?  But I have not said that I will never reach out just not at this moment. But I won’t press you about it. This is your life and you have to live with your decisions.”

“Yes I do have to live with my decisions and for now my decision remains the same as it regards to reaching out.  I know you think that since I am so close now that I am tempted to do just that but I’m not.  I do have to tell you though that sometimes I do get a little lonely and want someone to share things with but then I think about all that ‘noise’ that will come with ‘reaching out’ and that loneliness quickly fades and I regain my contentment in my life.  Do you ever feel that Uncle Stephen, the loneliness?”

“I won’t lie to you Allie, I did.  But then I became comfortable with myself and that gave me confidence and then I made friends and my world expanded with my friends, my job, my new hobbies and I no longer felt lonely.  That’s not to say that one can’t feel lonely in a crowd but my focus changed from ‘what I didn’t have’ to ‘all the great things that I do have’.  It’s like do you see the glass as half full or half empty.  Is your life enriched Allie or do you feel shortchanged?”

“I feel enriched Uncle Stephen.  I feel renewed.  Thanks.”

“Okay let’s eat and then take a stroll on the boardwalk, get some saltwater taffy and put our feet in the water.”

“That sounds wonderful Uncle Stephen.”

We finish lunch and do all of those things.  Arriving back at the hotel Uncle Stephen introduces me to his business partners and I then head back to my room to shower and change for dinner and a night at the casino.  I am not a gambler so I restrain myself from spending more than I budgeted. All in all I win more than I lose and I walk away from the tables with my winnings. 

I leave Uncle Stephen and his partners at the tables and walk to the lounge and out to the patio overlooking the ocean.  I sit there thinking about my life and the things I hope for in my future. I move farther down the patio to be alone and look out at the ocean marveling in the beauty and splendor of the water crashing onto the shore and the moonlight glistening on the water.

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In the casino I find Mr. Carstairs at one of the tables.  After meeting him at my mother’s house I ask him to meet here so that we can have a private conversation.  As the elder son of course I have to have this private conversation with him to ascertain his true intentions with my mother.  He seems like a fine enough person and my background check revealed that he is a legitimate businessman.  We excuse ourselves and go to the patio and in a far corner sit at a table and converse.  We talked for a good hour and we both left better understanding each other and I felt assured that he has honorable intentions with my mother for he asked me for her hand in marriage.  I had to smile at that and gave him my blessing.  How ironic is that?  My mother is getting married before I do.  Oh well she deserves happiness too.

I decide to stay on the patio and take in the scenery of the water, the moonlight, and the smell of the ocean. I look down the patio and see a woman standing there with her back to me.  I approach not wanting to scare her but wanted to make her aware that she might need to return to the lounge because it is a bit dangerous for a woman alone out here.  I call out to her as I approach and I notice that she stiffens.  Perhaps I scared her anyway so I say,

“I’m sorry to disturb you Ms. but you might want to return to the lounge.  It is a bit dangerous for you to stay out her alone.”

She doesn’t turn around but instead moves to the stairway that leads from the patio down to the beach.  I rush to detain her from walking on the beach at this hour because it is less safe than standing on the patio.  Grabbing her arm as the reaches the beach I hold her tightly and say,

“Please Ms. I’m not here to hurt you but please return to the hotel lounge.  It is not safe here for you alone.”

She relaxes her arm and then looks up at me and smiles.