The next three years of my life were some of the best years of my adult life. I will always remember them fondly. We went from living with some of his parent’s relatives to finally owning our own house. He surprising me with it one spring evening after work. We’d survived our first Chicago winter, the brutal winds and snow sharpening our will. He’d found a good job working in a private practice and he’d taken me along with him, requesting that I be trained to be his secretary. The white man who owned the practice had been hesitant at first but once he’d seen how quickly I picked everything up, he gave me the position. I had to be the first and only black woman given a position of importance, a position where I could have some semblance of self respect. 

    Over the three years we lived in Chicago, I like to think I made Jimmy, Mama and Papa proud. Lily had come up to visit on several occasions, teasing us about when we was gon have children and trash talkin the ‘big arrogant Northern Negros’ she’d come across in her travels. For the first time in my life, I was given agency. I was given the choice to decide what I wanted to do and how I wanted to live. Chicago was the only place outside of New York where I didn’t have to be afraid to walk with June Bug at night. It was the second place where we could exist and love openly. 

    After seeing how good Joon was as a doctor, the white owner of the practice funded the opening of his very own practice. Joon marketed it towards only minorities initially but came to accept small amounts of white patients too. To this day, Mr. Jones had to be one of the only white men I knew that Joon came to like and got along with. Things went so well and then… then like all the other things in my life, they were snatched from me with no warning. 

*** 

Nineteen Hundred and Forty One 

    “Kira, where you at gal?” She was in the kitchen and had been so shocked that she had dropped a plate or two. 

    “What’s wrong?” Turning towards the voice of her husband, she glanced down at the smashed china on the ground. 

    “Darn it. I…I’m sorry. I heard somethin on the radio and it surprised me.” 

    “What was it?” June Bug asked, coming to undo his tie. 

    “Seems there’s an attack on some harbor in Hawaii.” 

    “Hawaii?”

    “Yeah. They say we goin to war.” He came to kneel in front of her to pick up the pieces of china. 

    “Sounds like we got us plentiya war right here at home don’t it?” 

    “Careful darlin you’ll cut yourself.” He waved her off and picked up the rest, heading for the trash bin. 

    “Before we head off into war to fight others, we best be tryna fix what we got goin on here.” 

    “I agree.”

    “Well enough of that kinda talk.” She came up to him, grabbing him by the shirt. 

    “I made ya favorite for dinner.” 

    “Pot roast?”

    “With the patatas and cabbage too.” Wiggling his eyebrows playfully, he pulled her closer. 

    “I don’t know what I would be without you Kira gal.”

    “Hungry and pitiful.” She shot back, grin coming to her face as she pulled away from him. 

    “You lucky you cute with yo back talkin self.” He grinned, playfully giving her rump a smack. 

    “Down boy.” 

    “Oh I’m jus’ gettin started.” Biting her lips, she turned her head towards him. 

    “Gon get ready fore dinner and stop playin.” 

    “Only if you gimme a kiss and ask realllllll nice.” 

    “Joon,”

    “Come on now. I’d hate to have all this good food get col.” Playfully sucking her teeth, she sauntered back over to him and stood on her tippy toes, kissing him real proper. 

    “Please.”

    “Please what lil gal?” His hands took hold of her derriere. 

    “Gon get ready fa dinner.” His lips pressed against hers again and there wasn’t a thing proper bout it. He hummed against her mouth and gripped her nice and tight. 

    “I promise I gotta sweet treat for you after.” He licked her bottom lip, pulling it into his mouth. She moaned softly as her feet met the ground again. Her gaze was coquettish as she slipped outta his grasp. He slowly lifted hands to undo his tie, dark intense eyes watching as she went over to the table. 

    “Bring that fine tail a yours on over here and let’s eat.” Grinning slowly, he started for her. 

    “Yes ma’am.” His voice drawled, thick like honey and smooth like a glassa moonshine. 

*** 

    It happened so fast and for some reason, I didn’t think it could happen. Not to me. Not to us. I blame my naïveté and my intensely potent love and adoration for my man. When he stepped inside from a day at work, I could see it in his face. It was an expression I hadn’t seen for a long time. Not since Jimmy died. It was grim, serious and heavy.

*** 

    “Kira, sit down.” Wiping her hands on her apron, she licked her teeth and turned to face him. Something about his tone wasn’t right. 

    “What’s the matter sweet man?” She asked, starting to reach for him. He sighed heavily and kissed her fingers. 

    “Just…sit down for me baby. I gotta… gotta tell you somethin.” Nervousness hit her like a train but she tried to go to the table as calmly as she could. Licking her lips, she watched as he came closer, pulling out an envelope from his pant pocket.     

    “I know you know what’s going on right now. It’s so hard to ignore.” He started and the nervousness spread as she caught his hand shaking. Joon’s hand ever shook. 

    “Do you know what a draft is sweetheart?” Shaking her head, she reached out to stop that damn shaking, gripping his fingers tight. 

    “It’s a requirement by law. For military service.” The spit dried up in her mouth and her heart got to beating extra hard. 

    “Requirement by law?” He balled his lips and handed it to her, watching as she began to read and by the end her eyes had started misting. It wasn’t a letter of offer. It demanded that Mr. Chanjoon Jung report for duty in the fight for America and the freedom of its citizens. When she got done, she lifted eyes to his and he said nothing in return, leaning down to press his face against her neck. Gently lifting her hand, she let the letter drop and instead took hold of his hair, welcoming the tears that had been building. 

*** 

    “Oh no… no it can’t be. He can’t.” Tani said softly, eyes watery. Fronnie didn’t say much, instead just took a deep breath and licked her lips. 

    “It’s all startin to make sense.”

    “I think I know how this is gunna end Fronnie.” And she did too. She felt it in the pit of her stomach and as much as she prayed she was wrong, the dread that swirled around only waved to and fro in intensity. The picture of June Bug standing in his Army uniform suddenly flashed in her mind and she swallowed thickly. For the love of her Gam… for the love she held for June Bug… she… no they had to finish this… finish what they started. Even if it was going to hurt like hell in the end. 

*** 

    Sounds of water crashed upon the rocks and a mix matched pair cruised along the wet moist surface. Even though the sun was starting to set, they began to strip their clothes and soon began to rock against the rhythm of the waves. Tears were shed, streaming down dark brown cheeks but it was bittersweet, tinged with both pleasure and pain, sadness and joy. Mourning and exaltation. The larger body turned and crashed almost violently into the smaller form, much like the water on the rocks. And soon everything was still, calm and quiet, the writhing at an end. 

*** 

    “How long do we have?” 

    “Coupla days.” 

    “It’s not fair.” The practice had been surrendered up to a trusted acquaintance. His white lab coat had been hung up, neat pristine and white in the closet. And instead, that damn green stared at her at night, it taunted her, tortured her. She’d seen him wear it only once and his picture had been taken. She’d quietly refused a copy but the photographer more than insisted, stating that she might soon treasure it more than she once thought. 

    “Kira.”

    “No! Don’t. Don’t try to brush this off. I… I don’t want you to go.” Those big strong arms of his came around her and he held her nice and snug. Those arms provided such safety and warmth and for the second time in her life she was scared. Scared that she’d… never…. never feel them again. 

    “I’ve made up my mind.” She was quiet as he spoke, leaning down to press his lips against her shoulder, now bare from his pulling her dress apart moments earlier. He’d been like a mad man and she let him devour, surrendered up her entire existence just for him. Because she wanted to. Because she needed him just as much as he needed her. 

    “I ain’t gonna fight for no white man. All of that propaganda is nothin but bullshit anyway.” Biting her lips in a small moan as he came to take one of her breasts in his hand, she shuddered against him. 

    “I’m gonna fight for you and you only Kira Jung.” Tears slipped down her cheeks but a soft wet tongue licked them away. 

    “You. Mama. Ma. Pa. Lily. You’re all I got left.” He rasped against her, dipping to coax her hardened nipple into his mouth. She let him have his way, not putting up a fight as he lifted her up into his arms and laid her back against soft sheets. In the low light, the sound of those waves and his moist golden skin hypnotized her and she was at a loss for words. He lifted up on his knees, long hard beautiful body towering above her. Nimble fingers made quick work of his shirt, dirty with the sand of the earlier romp. He didn’t seem to care and tossed it away from him.     Licking those swollen rosy lips, he leaned down and kissed her, slipping fingers through hers and forcing them upward. She arched her back in askance, moving her hips slowly against him. Pulling away from her hurt him and he panted against her, not quite ready to end the kiss completely. 

    “You’re the only one who can destroy me baby. Don’t forget that.” He whispered, opening those half lidded moon eyes, the obsidian stare hungry, serious and full of desire. She didn’t think she could speak and decided to let her body speak for her. It hadn’t failed her yet. He  hummed against her as she lifted her legs and wrapped them tight around his hips. Lifting her up, he brought her to straddle him, arms around him lazy and lanquid.  Licking her lips, she forced every ounce of timidity out of her and reached down, leading him to her entrance. 

    “Joon…” His answer was a moan that vibrated deeply from his belly. Biting her lip to keep herself quiet, she slowly engulfed him, her body hungrily drawing him in as if knowing. Knowing what she didn’t have the stomach to admit… to say… at least not right now. She let the moan built up in her throat free and it seemed to reverberate off of the walls. Yes… oh gawd yes. This was more than enough. This was all she wanted. All she asked for. 

    The heat from his hands melted her as he took hold of her cheeks down below her waist and slowly she moved her hips the way she wanted and he let her, groaning against her. 

    Sweat beaded up on her skin as she picked up the pace but she ignored it. Ignored everything but the way she brought her sweet man… her beloved husband pleasure. It was all she could do… all she could offer him. 

    “Gawddamn it….” He cursed, reaching up to squeeze her breasts as she moved to and fro, moans growing in number and volume. 

    “You’re so fuckin beautiful ridin me like that baby…. so fuckin beautiful.” His praise made her blush and her eyes met his. Slowly, she gripped a hand of his and lifted it from her breast. Lifting up, up until his fingers came around her neck, she let go as his grip tightened just a tad, just enough to make her shiver. 

    “C-Chanjoon Jung…” She moaned, head thrown back. 

    “Look at me when you’re talkin to me.” She tried to pull herself together but all of it was so good… too good for words. Somehow though, her gaze found his again. 

    “I…I don’t want…want you…to…p-pull out…” She forced out, gripping his forearm. At that request, he pulled her mouth to his, groaning against her. His arms came around her and in that moment, a frenzy of hips, breath and conjoined notes of pleasure disturbed the small dwelling they were in. She wasn’t satisfied until his seed filled her, intentional abundant warmth that spread throughout her abdomen. Biting her lip, she trembled as he throbbed deep within. For the longest time, they stayed like that, arms tight around each other, lips sweetly kissing each other, desperate to stay in the little haven they’d tried to build. 

*** 

    Throughout the night, we made love again and again until we physically exhausted ourselves. Each time, I soaked up his love greedily, wanting my body to remember as much of him as possible. Sweat soaked and full of fatigue, we laid there in that little tiny cottage bed by the sea, limbs like roots wrapped around each other, dependent on each other for nourishment, for life. My eyes wept and then…for the first time since he was little, his eyes did too, spilling on skin he thought was lax with slumber. But every tear that fell against me shattered another piece of my heart. 

    The next morning, after bathing together, I made him breakfast and watched him eat with a grim resignation on his face. I bit my lip as I ironed the sage green pants, khaki shirt and coat. Bit my lip more as I watched him button the trousers, shirt tucked neatly inside. Hair clipped short on the sides, he had just enough hair to run fingers through. As I handed him his coat, he grabbed my wrists and pulled me to him. We didn’t say a word, our eyes communicating everything we felt. Swallowing thickly, he let me go and let me put the coat on. Grabbing his garrison cap, our moment of bliss came to an end with a forceful toot of a horn outside.              

   Reluctantly, I followed him outside and we slipped into the awaiting car. On the way to the train station, I slipped my hand across his thigh and curled fingers around his. Lifting my heel covered foot, I gently brushed against his leg, the action breaking the serious intensity of the moment for just a spell. Smiling bravely, he pulled me against his chest and I listened to that strong pulsing the rest of the way there, trying to memorize it into my memory. 

*** 

    “Don’t go. Please.” Garrison cap now shielding that gorgeous onyx hair of his, he stood tall and firm, hands gripping her waist to filth. 

    “Send for Lily okay? Let her keep you company while I’m gone.”

    “Don’t go Joon.”

    “Make sure Ma take her medicine. And keep Pa out the damn field.” Old habits died hard and even though he’d paid that white devil every penny and cent for that raggedy shack they’d once called home, Papa still tried to go out to the field to pick. Even though he didn’t have to anymore. 

    “Don’t go I said.” 

    “Mr. Jones said he’ll put you back as a secretary if you want to. Says he’ll pay you a premium wage.”

    “Joon!”

    “I’ll come back gawddamn it!” He suddenly yelled, making her grow still, eyes already leaking. Lifting hands to her face, he pulled her even closer, letting their foreheads touch. 

    “I’ll write everyday I can. And every bastard I take out, I’ll keep you in mind.” She broke down in his arms suddenly, sobbing loudly. He said nothing, kissing her tears away from her cheeks. 

    “You better come back to me you stupid foolish man.” 

    “I promise I will.” Her chin trembled. 

    “You swear it?”

    “Have you ever known me to be a liar?” He asked quietly, looking at her from underneath his lashes. Taking a shaky breath, she shook her head no. 

    “Y-You’ve always…kept your word…” She replied, sniffling. 

    “Jung! Let’s go!” A sudden bark startled her, making her jump. He pulled away and turned to see a white man standing at the entrance of one of the train cars, hands on his hips. 

    “I’ll write as soon as we get to where we’re goin.” He said, pulling away completely. She tried to grab for him but he quickly moved out of her reach and knelt to gather his small trunk. 

    “J-Joon….”

    “Remember what I said now Kira girl.” She watched him get onto the train and soon a head popped out of one of the windows. For the briefest second, she glanced around her at some of the women who stood on the platform, saying goodbye to their loves the same as her. Some sobbed, some held children that too wept. Others had already begun to hoist themselves up, hugging their men and talking with them quietly. It’s now or never Kira. Licking her lips, she ran over to him, lifting up on her tip toes. 

    “Seal it with a kiss June Bug!” She yelled, still too far down to really reach him. He came further out, leaning down over the edge of the window. Hands found hers and pulled her up. She grunted as he yanked her up roughly, trying to grab hold of the edge of the window. Ignoring the pain, she finally grasped tight as he wrapped his arms around her. Wasting no time, lips desperately met and passion overflowed from between them. One last time, his tongue tasted hers and he groaned against her mouth lightly. Using the strength in his biceps, he lifted her up just a tad more, letting her wrap her arms around his neck. 

    “I love you…. I love you I love you I love you…” Kissing her jaw, he smiled against her. 

    “I love you too pretty girl.”

    “You’ll come back. You promised.”

    “I did.” Whimpering against his mouth, she allowed him one final taste of her before the train jolted, signaling its departure. But he held on even as the train slowly started to move. 

    “I gotta let go now baby.” He said, gripping her tightly. 

    “No… no jus a bit longer please…”

    “I gotta let go.” She begged him but it was all to no avail as his arms let go of her and she dropped, falling away from him. 

    “SOMEBODY CATCH HER!” He shouted below and she fell into the arms of a miscellaneous man to his relief. 

    “JOON! JOON!” She yelled, screamed, hollered until his face faded out of view. Sobbing against the man, she wept until she felt like she was all dried up. 

*** 

    “Poor Gammy…” The girls had tears in their eyes and Tani sniffled, lifting to wipe her nose. 

    “I can’t imagine leaving your boyfriend or husband to deal with the uncertainty of war.” Fronnie said sadly, glancing down at the page she’d just read. It appeared like it had gotten wet at one point, the paper hard and stiff. Gam’s tears. 

    “Yeah….it’s too much to even think about.” 

    “Mm…” Fronnie closed the journal, marking the last page as always. 

    “Whaddya say we pack up our fort and gon back downstairs? I wanna be close to Gammy.” 

    “Sure.” Tani agreed and soon they gathered everything, carefully heading down the stairs. Journal in hand, the girls headed into their shared bedroom. They went in to peek in on their Gam who slept in her bed, beautiful silver hair sprawled across her pillow like a ray of moon shine. When they were certain that her chest was still moving, they helped themselves to somma their Mama’s food and tried their best to get to sleep, their spirits heavy.