May

    “The hottest sensation in Korea, KASSIA has comeback with yet another single! Titled ‘Shoot Your Shot’, it features dark and gritty visuals. The five member boyband continue their streak of electrifying chereography, charismatic vocals and eye catching fashion statements. “Kill My Love’, released in March, was the group’s first nod towards the darker, wilder side and since then, fans are hooked!” Eyes watched the tv as small brown hands detangled her hair. 

    “They’ve already been invited to the GRAMMY’s, Music Choice Awards and the VMAs, however, it isn’t know if they have accepted. Our favorite American member, Bon-hwa Kang, known in the group as Aera, released a separate EP last month titled, ‘galaxy’. It caused worldwide controversy as his vocals took a swift depart from his kpop roots. Composed of sultry R&B, his silky smooth sound surprised both English and Korean speakers. Fans were shocked to hear of some of his more mature lyric choices, some open in their sensuality and others featuring curse words seen uncharacteristic of the idol.

     Nevertheless, fans are crazy about Bon-hwa’s EP and are even petitioning his company to allow him to sing the songs publicly on stage.” Fingers finger combed through her strands and dropped to pick up her phone. Clicking his EP into Youtube, she pressed play. Just as she was about to start combing her hair, her front door swooshed open, making her jump. Nebula walked right in, locked the door again and began to help her detangle. 

    “So, you know he wrote every single one of them songs for you right?” Cheeks warm, she listened to the music as it played. While more than half of it was in Korean, his voice sounded so beautiful and oh so sexy. 

    “You looked up the lyrics?”

    “I sure as hell did. Every single song.”

    “You’re crazy Neb.” She said with a smile. 

    “‘girl from the outerspace’ was talkin bout when y’all got freaky in Busan. ‘Reverie’ probably from y’all first date. I know for a damn fact ‘Plunge’ talking about him tearing that coochie up.” 

    “Oh my God…” 

    “I said ohhh he nasty boyyyyyyy…that shit had me cracking up.” Lifting her hands to her face, she laughed into her palms. 

    “Nebula. NEBULA.” 

    “You love me. You know I ain’t lyin.” Grinning, she ain’t say nothing as she pulled her hands away to grab her spray bottle. 

    “So, have you heard from him?” 

    “Nope. He’s been really freaking busy so.”

    “It’s been two months though. Don’t you think he should have at least sent you a dick pic or something?” Shoving her arm, she sucked her teeth. 

    “I’m about to kick you out Neb.”

    “Okay, okay I quit.”

    “He’s doing all these promotions and stuff. The man is booked. The last thing I want to do is get in his way. He’ll message me when he’s free.”

    “Okay,” Turning eyes back towards the television, they now talked about the Housewives of Wisconsin doing a possible second season. Smiling, she handed Neb her spray bottle and gently played with her ring. She’d see him soon anyway. 

*** 

July 

    A ‘ding’ notification alerted her of a message. She finished chopping up her ingredients and wiped her hands on her hand towel. 3 new messages from tok1932. 

    She opened it and smiled. 

    tok1932 sent a PHOTO 

    His hair appeared damp like he’d just showered not too long ago, clothed in a sweatshirt and squishing his cheeks together in a cute little pose, his lips poked out. 

    tok1932: God, I miss you so fucking much Nova.

    tok1932: Forgive me for not messaging you. It’s been a shit show since the year started. We haven’t stopped yet. 

    novaworld555: I miss you too bunny. 

    novaworld555: I get it babe. Your life is packed. I’ll be fine. I understand. 

    … 

    … 

    tok1932: how’ve you been angel? 

    novaworld555: I’ve been great! Almost about to start my fall semester. 

    tok1932: My baby’s smart as fuck. I’m so proud of you. 

    novaworld555: hehe yeah. Thank you. 

    tok1932: I know we were supposed to see each other this month. That’s not gonna be possible unfortunately. 

    She was not going to lie. That hurt. She’d been waiting to see him. 

    novaworld555: what can we do? You’re really busy bunny. I might be slightly upset about it but I’ll get over it. Your career comes first. 

    tok1932: no, princess, you come first. It’s fucking with me that I can’t do more right now. 

    novaworld555: What about the Christmas season? Are they going to give you guys another vacation like last year? 

    tok1932: hopefully. 

    novaworld555: if they do, then let’s make that our date. 

    …

    tok1932: of course sweetheart. We can do that. 

    tok1932: what are you doing right now?

    novaworld555: prepping for dinner. 

    tok1932: ooh what are you making?

    novaworld555: parsnip gratin and filet mignon with béarnaise sauce 

    tok1932: oh shit 

    novaworld555: *laughing emojis* 

    tok1932: that sounds amazing baby. damn. 

    novaworld555: when we meet, I’ll make you something really yummy. I don’t what the hell they’re feeding you over there. 

    tok1932: aw angel baby. you’re so good to me. 

    She put the sliced potatoes in a casserole dish and typed a reply. 

    novaworld555: how are you bon-hwa…honestly. 

    …

    …

    tok1932: exhausted. 

    novaworld555: You’re doing so much at one time my love. Remember to breathe. Remember that I’m here. I’ll always be here. 

    …

    tok1932: I needed that so much Nova. Seriously. 

    novaworld555: Be gentle with yourself. 

    tok1932: I love you.

    novaworld555: I love you with all of my stars. 

    tok1932: I’m sure noona has told you about galaxy. I heard them talking about it here. 

    novaworld555: boy yes. She literally bust in my apartment today and started talking about it. 

    tok1932: what’d she say?

    novaworld555: she said you wrote all those songs for me. 

    ….

    ….

    … 

    tok1932: she’s right. It is about you. 

    tok1932: galaxy is my love letter to you. I wanted to give you something of me musically.

    tok1932: I hope you enjoy it babe. 

    novaworld555: you’re amazing. thank you so much…

    tok1932: I gotta go Nov.

    novaworld555: okay. don’t be a stranger, stranger. 

    PHOTO 

    A cute idiot, he smiled all stupid, birds above his head. 

    tok1932: *heart, heart heart* *tongue emoji* 

    tok1932: oh. I’m mailing you a key to my apartment here in seoul. In case you ever wanna come see me for once. spoiled brat. 

*** 

September 

    Brilliant red, orange and yellow leaves decorated the streets and the shops, temples and people were so intoxicating. Smelling it in deep into her lungs, she smiled. It was good to be back here. She never thought she’d miss Seoul but a part of her had. Grabbing her suitcase, she stood to the side as people headed here and there, lost in their own pieces of madness. 

    “Mrs. Kang?” Turning, she saw her driver and slightly bowed her head.     

    “Yes, hi.”

    “Welcome to Seoul.”

    “Thank you.”

    “Allow me to help you with that.”

    “Sure, thanks.”

    “You may get in.” She climbed into the backseat and waited until the driver got in. 

    “Where are we headed to?” 

    “134 Asan-si Daebunam-dong, Geyonggi-do.”

    “Yes ma’am.” Clutching her purse, she swallowed the nervous lump in her throat. She hadn’t told Bunny she was coming. She wanted to be the one to surprise him. Nibbling her lips, she laid her head back against the head rest. She had gone so long without seeing him…holding him. She needed to be with him. This time, she wouldn’t cap it at a couple days. She needed more time.  The ride was quiet and smooth and as he jumped on the freeway, she placed her earbuds in. Playing his EP galaxy, she smiled. All of it was her favorite, she couldn’t just pick one. Knowing that he was literally singing to her made her knees weak. He always made her feel so special.

    After about a 40 minute drive, they pulled up into the private drive of a massive modern white building.

    “We have arrived, ma’am.”

    “Okay.”  The driver got out and helped her gather her things. 

    “Kamsamnida.” Smiling at her attempt, he smiled but thanked her. Watching as he pulled off, she licked her teeth. 

    In the letter he’d sent her attached to the key, he’d put his apartment number. It was on the penthouse floor. Heading in, she soon got into the elevator. Tying to stop her sudden beating heart. God, she was so nervous. What if he’s busy? What if he’s not home? Clutching her hands as the elevator opened, she stepped out gingerly, looking at all the identical rows of doors. PH 1012. Finding the direction from the wall, she soon came to the door. Taking a deep breath, she fixed her hair and her outfit before slowly unlocking the door.

     Bright natural sunlight, floor to ceiling windows and a humongous open floor plan stared back at her and she marveled at its beauty. Pulling her suitcase inside, she locked the door behind her. Good Lord, his apartment was huge. Setting the keys down, she noticed in the quiet the mess of pizza boxes, chip bags, empty ice cream containers and cake wrappers. Everywhere else was pristine, clean, in its place. Interesting. 

    “Bunny?” Still quiet, she began to look around. He wasn’t in the living room. That she could very clearly see. Turning the corner, she peeked her head to see what looked like a home studio. Maybe this is where he had recorded and produced galaxy. 

    Continuing on, she passed mininalist art and furniture, well fed plants and more rooms, some without much in it. How many freaking rooms were there in this place? Stopping at what looked like the main bedroom, she peeked her head in. There, a slight sound. Licking her lips, she stepped in on quiet feet, slowly approaching. Past the huge King size bed. Masculine yet minimal decor. As she got closer, it became very apparent that something was very wrong.             Knitting her eyebrows at the sounds of retching, she appeared in the doorway. What met her sent sharp chills all throughout her body. Bon-hwa was kneeling over the toilet and he spit into the bowl, his breath nearly gasping. With a slight groan, he pulled himself up a bit and stuck his finger down his throat. Vomit came rushing up out of his mouth. His stomach rolled once or twice before he spit again, a larger amount of vomit mixed saliva now shooting into the toilet bowl.  Too stunned to speak, she watched him slowly lift up onto his knees.

    He must have felt eyes on him because he turned and when he did, he froze. His eyes grew wide and a horrified expression made him look even worse, deep bags and pale skin already giving him a sickly appearance.

    N-Nova…” His cheeks were gaunt and vomity saliva hung to the side of his mouth. Like a cornered animal, he gawked in shock. 

    “Surprise bunny,” 

*** 

    He got up and went over to the sink, lifting a palm of water to his mouth. She watched every move he made, heart pounding wildly against her chest. Reaching for his toothbrush, he quietly brushed his teeth and for the first time ever since knowing him, she felt slightly uncomfortable. Globs of toothpaste splat into the sink and he rinsed once more. Lifting wet hands to his hair, he cleared his throat and stood up to his full height. 

    “When’d you get in?” His voice sounded tired…lifeless. 

    “This morning.” Nodding, he exhaled and to her surprise, lifted his shirt and stepped up onto a scale. Eyes downward, he didn’t see her approach him. Slowly sliding her hands around and down him, she pressed her face against his back. 

    “Bunny…what….what-” 

    “You must be very tired. Long flight.” His interruption made her withdraw her hands and he let his shirt down. Stepping down from the scale, he turned. His lips smiled but there was no life… no joy in his gaze. 

    “I’ll show you around a little bit and then maybe you can rest some.” Her eyes followed him as he walked by her and out into the bedroom. Breath shaky now, she followed suit with her body, not stopping until they both came into the kitchen. Eyes once more finding the empty boxes, food containers and wrappers she felt her stomach twist and turn. 

    “This is the kitchen. Normally, it’s very clean. But, right now it’s shitty. I’m sorry.” Going to the counter, he lifted a cigarette to his mouth, some of them already laying out on the marble surface. Lighting it up, he exhaled, blowing the smoke away from her. 

    “I normally don’t smoke around you but….you really surprised me Nov.” She didn’t say anything as she watched him head into the living room. Plopping down on the couch, he groaned and leaned his head back. 

    “This is the living room. You’ve been in the bedroom already so… I’m not sure what else there is to show you. I have a studio in another bedroom and a couple empty bedrooms.” Her eyes started to grow teary and for a minute, she just stared at him as he smoked, blowing anxious nicotine filled air away from him. He was very pale and sweaty, jumpy and nervous. She’d never seen him like this before. 

    “Why were you throwing up in the bathroom bunny?” She asked, trying to keep her voice steady. Another puff of white mist. He sighed. 

    “Sometimes, it helps me relieve stress.”

    “Eating all this food and throwing up….helps you relieve stress…” She didn’t believe it. 

    “Bunny, that’s a ea-”

    “I know what the fuck it is Nova. I don’t need you to spell it out for me.” Her heart began to crack into little pieces and her hands began to shake as she watched him snuff out the cigarette butt. Sliding tense fingers through his hair, he sat up. 

    “It’s getting late and I gotta try to get some sleep. I have practice later.” As he stood, she let her eyes fill with tears. He came towards her and pulled her against him. Closing her eyes, she pressed her face against his chest, trying not to cry. 

    “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it like that.” Leaning down, he inhaled and exhaled against her shoulder. 

    “I’m glad you’re here Nova.” Pressing a light kiss against her shoulder, he lifted up and headed back towards the bedroom, leaving her in the living room trying to process what on God’s green earth just happened.