Some of you may remember this story and for some it is new. This is a re-write of the original. I am posting the re-write but not all the chapters since the original was illegally posted to the sites without my permission. In spite of that happening, I am taking a chance again.
For the people who remember the original story, I am asking for the feedback in the following way:-
Critical reviews ONLY! What do you like, don’t like, ways it can be improved and such. Spelling errors I don’t really care about as those can be fixed later on. Plot and character development and story content are most important to me. If you have detail critiques, please send them by email. In the subject line and title it as such: Chapter 1 – Critical Review. The reason why I’m asking for this is because I want to see what my critical readers are seeing. Remember this is only a re-write of the original. I’m not deviating from the original story but there will be some changes.
Please do not send me emails telling me you don’t like the names of the characters, the story and such because I won’t respond. It means nothing to me. Don’t read it if you don’t like it; it really is that simple. Thanks. J
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
The rush of adrenaline flooded the veins of the rider as he molded himself more to the bike. The bright street light illuminated the road clearly as he ripped around the corner at about 90mph. The bike dipped, almost merging with the asphalt but years of riding had honed his skill and dexterity. He easily brought the bike out of the turn only to increase the speed as he flew thought the intersection, merely milliseconds before the stop light turned red. Feeling the adrenaline high he was on begin to dissipate, Storm began to decrease his speed. Another stop light was ahead but he was in no hurry to reach it. He wanted to cruise all the way home but the bike that flew past him had no such designs. Slowing down further, he observed the other biker, waiting to see if he would stop at the light.
The biker stopped. The street light at the corner of the road highlighted both the biker and the bike. Storm watched as the biker took off his helmet and long black hair fell down his back. Quickly glancing behind him, he became a she with an exotic profile. Her bike was blue; a Suzuki 1000 but before he could smile at her appreciation for Suzuki, she suddenly wrapped her hair around her hand and stuffed it back into her helmet before taking off, running the light. Immediately, flashing red and blue lights came on and Storm glanced back, as the police car passed him picking up speed. His gut clenched and bile rose like a geyser in his stomach. He had a bad feeling about this chase and took off in pursuit. In what seemed like a matter of seconds, he passed the squad car but the rider was pushing hard, trying to get to the highway. She slowed to take the corner but not enough and was almost separated from her bike. Storm immediate slowed in front of the squad car forcing the cop to slow down before signaling for the officer to pull over.
The officer slammed the car door angrily. "What the hell are you doing? This is official police matter. Show me your license and registration now!" he demanded as Storm got off his bike.
"I am ADA Storm Monsello," Storm introduced himself reaching for his wallet. "I don't think it's a good idea to pursue that biker anymore. She was almost seriously hurt during that chase. Why are you after her? What did she do?"
The officer cursed under his breath. ‘Fuck! Fucking interfering prick.' He turned away knowing he had to get his emotions under control immediately. There was no way he was going to let some ADA report him to Internal Affairs for investigation. The girl was his and he was going to have her. Turning back to the car he realized he stopped in a dark area which obscured him nicely.
"She ran a light but I'll let her go. Just don't like reckless law breakers. Well, you have a nice night now and be careful."
The answer didn't sit well with Storm. "What is your name?" he asked but the officer hurriedly got into his car without answering. Storm shrugged, thinking the officer just didn't hear the question and was just trying to make his quota.
Parting ways, Storm resumed cruising on is Suzuki Hayabusa as his mind replayed the night's activities. Her bike was dark blue with light blue and neon yellow streaks. There was a dent on the left panel and he wondered how it got there. At home, he put his helmet on the kitchen counter and got a glass of water as he checked his phone for missed calls. There were two and both were from Audrey whom couldn't seem to take the hint that he wanted nothing to do with her anymore. Putting the phone down, he went to take a shower. As Storm lay in bed, his thought about this plans for the next day but his mind drifted to the biker. He wondered if she made it home safely. He wondered if he would see her again.
Sally MacDonald hurriedly parked her bike at the back of the building and looked around carefully as she took off her helmet. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, she hastily ascended the stairs to her apartment. After entering, she ran to the window and carefully moved the blinds, looking for any suspicious cars driving by, mainly police vehicles. The sudden knock at the door startled her but she moved towards it cautiously. Looking through the peephole she saw her neighbor Paul from the floor above. Opening the door, she went to the couch and sat, finally releasing the breath she'd been holding since the time of the chase.
"What happened to you?" Paul asked casually as he entered.
"Lock it please," Sally replied as she closed her eyes and rested her head on the back of the couch.
Paul did as she asked and moved to sit beside her taking note of her behavior. "What happened?" he asked again, this time with more concern.
Sally took a deep breath before opening her eyes and beginning to speak. "Roger fired me because I wanted to leave early again tonight."
"What! That prick fired you?"
"Yeah, and when I left, some guy started following me."
"Wait what do you mean some guy was following you? Do you know who he is? Did you call the police? You have to..."
"I didn't call the police. I rode home as fast as I could."
"Sally, you have to call the police and report Roger to the authorities. He can't get away with this. You know the only reason he fired you is because you wouldn't strip in that shithole he calls a strip club. I don't know why you were working there anyway."
Sally looked over at Paul, "Because it was convenient for school and the tips helped with my expensive ass text books."
"You should have gotten financial aid..."
"I'm not going through this again, it's done."
Paul sighed noting the ending of the conversation. When she got like this, she shut down. Once again he thought about that tone she could take instantly, a commanding tone that left no room for discussion. She didn't use it often but it was always there just below the surface.
Sally's phone rang and she casually reached for it.
"Hi Rhonda, what's up?"
"Hey Sal, nothing much? What's going on?"
"Hey I have a favor to ask. What are you doing tomorrow morning? What time to you have classes?"
"It's my late day, why?"
"Can you do one of my jobs for me tomorrow? It's real easy. The guy is nice and he likes his sheets changed every two days or so. Put the plates in the dishwasher if there's any in the sink and tidy up his bathroom. He lives alone and it'll only take about an hour or so. Pays thirty bucks. Wha-da ya say? Use the money for a book or something."
"I don't need any more books. I'll do it and you can keep the money. Text me the address."
"Thanks Sal, you're the best."
"Why can't you do it?"
"I have a new house to work and it's larger and paying more so I'm hoping I'll get it but I don't want to lose this since it's so easy."
"Okay, I hope you get it. Let me know."
"Was that Rhonda?" Paul asked.
"Yeah...she wants me to help her out tomorrow," Sally answered, "what do you have to eat?"
"Nothing but we can order pizza if you like."
"Naw...don't feel like that. I want something with more substance. I should have some leftovers if you wanna share."
"Good morning sis. You're up early," Storm answered his first call of the day. He was returning home to get the case files he left in his home office.
"Morning, this is your reminder about dinner tonight. I'm making one of your favorites, and your whore is not invited," replied Ayasha Monsello.
"Are you ever going to let me forget it? I forgot once..."
Storm sighed knowing he'd lost again. "I'll be there; six o'clock and I didn't forget your dinner to have sex with her."
"You did it once and that was enough."
"Ayasha let it go. It wasn't her."
"Storm be grateful I'm your sister so your forgiveness is practically guaranteed."
Storm smiled deciding not to argue in the face of his good fortunes. "I'll see you at six tonight Ayasha."
"Six o'clock," she replied much too sweetly for Storm's liking.
As Storm pulled in his driveway, he wondered if he would ever meet a woman Ayasha would approve of. Yes, she loved him but she was so over protective and although he knew why, he still wondered. She was so aggressively against Audrey that she didn't want them in the same room together. He knew it was because Audrey was his mother's choice for him but no matter how much he tried to tell her that Audrey meant nothing to him, Ayasha never failed to voice her negative opinion of her. He tolerated it because he agreed, Audrey was a gold-digger and not the woman he had any intention of spending his life with.
He was about to open his front door when he heard a scream that seemed to come from his house. Suddenly the door was pushed open and an object crashed into him sending him flying, gratefully onto the front lawn. But in the mad dash to get away, the body on top of him scrambled to gain footing and kneed him in the groin.
"Fucking hell," Storm yelled as he pushed the person from him and grabbed between his legs. He glanced over and saw it was a woman who was looking back at the door while she tried to gain her footing again to take off. When she did, he quickly reached above him and grabbed her ankle to successfully stop her escape.
"No, no, let me go...let me go," she screamed and pleaded as she kept looking back into the house through the open door.
"Who are you?" Storm asked though clenched teeth as his groin continued to throb.
"Let me go," she screamed franticly again as she tried to kick his hand from her ankle.
Storm grabbed her other ankle and dragged her back to him and she began to scream and struggle harder. It was then that he realized it wasn't him she was afraid of but something else. Following her frightened gaze, he looked back into his house and saw a huge boa constrictor slithering to the front door. He quickly released her, got up and pulled her along with him as they both ran across the street. They watched as the snake made no special move towards them but slithered around the lawn, mostly staying in the sunny areas.
Storm turned to the frightened woman cowering behind him to really look at her for the first time. "Who are you and what were you doing in my house?"
Sally looked up at him for the first time but kept looking back to where the snake was. She glanced back at him and that's when he truly noticed how terrified she really was. She was shaking like a leaf in high wind.
"Hey," he said gently, "it's all the way over there and cannot hurt you. I won't let it, I promise. Now you have to tell me who you are."
Before Sally could answer, they heard the siren of the police cars that stopped alongside the lawn. Storm looked back at her and assessed her profile. He frowned thinking it was so familiar.
"You triggered my alarm. Who are you?" he asked again.
"I...I...I...Rhon [swallowing hard]...Rhonda asked me...me to come...come for her today."
He was extremely displeased hearing that but kept it to himself. "Okay, what is your name?"
"Hey man, you okay?" Mike Griffin a detective and personal friend of Storm asked.
"Yeah...I want to know how that thing got in my house."
"Animal control is coming to get it. Are you hurt? Is she hurt?" Mike asked noticing the girl still cowering behind Storm.
Storm looked at her again and tried to bring her forward but she wouldn't budge. She was backing away from him. "It's okay. It's not going to hurt you," he said but her fear was too great and not ebbing anytime soon he could tell. He turned to Mike, "Mike, kill that thing."
"Storm you know I can't do that."
Suddenly an officer came outside with a large cage and yelled, "It seems it got out of this. Is this your pet?"
Both Storm and Mike looked at each other and immediately knew who the snake's owner was. Storm could feel his blood begin to boil.
"You have until I go inside to get my gun. If it's on my lawn when I come out, I'm killing it."
"Don't fuckin' blame you," Mike replied before addressing the officer, "Are you afraid of snakes?"
"No sir...been handling them all my life."
"Good...put it back in that cage before he kills it."
"Yes sir, will do," and the officer proceeded to gather up the large constrictor.
Remembering the girl, Storm turned to address her again only to find her gone. Suddenly he heard her bike start and then she was riding away.
"Wait! Wait!" he yelled as he ran to stop her but she couldn't hear. It was then that he noticed the colors and dent on the bike. She was the same girl from last night.
"Who was that?" Mike asked.
"Don't know. She was subbing for my regular housekeeper but I never got her name. Shit!"
Thanks for reading. Have a great week!